In this newsletter: Why I don't associate Valentine's Day with romance, links for providing aid to people affected by the earthquake in Syria and Turkey, three mocktail recipes, and links to compelling articles I've read this week on policing and the #metoo backlash.
Not really strong opinions but I think Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that hurts more people than it celebrates - reinforcing the message that if you don’t have a partner there’s something wrong with you. I liked it as a kids' holiday, making homemade Valentines with the boys for (all) the kids in their classes when they were small. As a happily married adult, it doesn’t seem necessary for me (our wedding anniversary is a more appropriate celebration). We were at the Lindt store yesterday and we each picked something for the other one to give us, but that was more because we happened to be in a chocolate store than for any other reason! I think because I have in the past two years lost two relatives who were single and very lonely, I'm more aware of how holidays can affect those left out - just like Mother’s Day will forever be a heartbreaking day for me because I'm only going to be hearing from one of my boys for the rest of my life.
When we were first married, my husband and I were poor students. We started a tradition, way back then, that we have kept going for 40+ years! We challenged each other to give frugal, if not Zero cost valentines! This produced many creative efforts over the years! Lipstick messages on mirrors...homemade goodies from the oven...paper heart "attacks"...or my all time favorite....a huge heart in the front yard snow, made from powdered strawberry drink mix! The heart stayed there for weeks until the snow melted!
I’m old enough to remember a time when not all of the kids in the class got valentines so Valentine’s Day doesn’t leave the warm and fuzzies. My husbands birthday is the 15th so that takes the pressure off.
The more I fulfill my life on my own terms, the less I care about holidays that don’t apply to me. I don’t notice them. In Japanese class, though, I am discovering all sorts of weird and wonderful holidays, that I *do* like the idea of breaking up normal life more frequently with weird and wonderful things.
My favorite modern holiday is Put On Your Own Shoes Day.
I am almost always single (I think I have been in a relationship for 5 valentine's days and I'm 46) and I honestly forget about it until the actual day. One year my cousin and his wife were in town on the 14th, and we planned to have dinner together - all of us forgetting that restaurants are a nightmare on valentine's day. They were staying in a nice hotel, and the hotel restaurant kindly made room for a table of three. We laughed together that all the waitstaff and couples must have thought we were a thruple. Our conversation that night was 100% family gossip - so very un-sexy!
My brother and I went out to dinner on Feb. 14 many years ago (we’re both single) and the waitress brought us a complimentary appetizer and a small glass of wine each. It wasn’t until then that we realized it was Valentine’s Day and we were considered a “couple”!! I laugh about that still!
Valentine’s Day is a lot easier now that our children are older and there is no last minute frantic rush to make valentines for a school exchange. Chocolate has always been a thing. So we’d buy a box of chocolates or if I’m thinking ahead, a box of chocolate bars from Costco. And share and eat them. I love flowers but not a random bouquet that has to be arranged and then disposed of when they all fade. When the children were young we always made pink milk. No special brunch, though that sounds nice. Pink milk is just red food colouring and some sugar. Blah!! I would love to know what your raspberry milk is.
This year a couple of our daughters (both married and totally in love) gathered with a couple of single friends for a super fun Galentine’s evening. I think they had way more fun and even romance than they would have had prodding their slightly reluctant husbands to think of gifts and stuff.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours. Maybe this year I’ll buy a red tablecloth and some heart confetti. Or maybe not.
Also, I hope you DO write an essay on the me-too backlash! These men need to wake up to the fact that women are fully human, and have the same agency as they do. This includes transgender people as well.
For some reason I really detest the idea of Galentines. I’m not sure why. Valentines ha Denver been big in our house. Growing up my mom did a brunch like you and I’m trying to keep that tradition alive. But that’s essentially it. I do love finding or making the perfect valentines for my son’s exchanges though.
I ignored Valentine's Day for the longest time because I was single, and so were all of my friends. The first Valentine's Day I was married, my husband went all out with flowers and a really nice gift, and I was baffled by it - why was he getting me this stuff? We have since found our equilibrium on holidays and gifts. For us, Valentine's Day is family time in which we focus on friendships and service to the lonely. (Two of my kids' church group took heart cookies last night to a widow who just lost her husband last summer.)
There are a number of holidays that seem like they add expectations and stress instead of joy, and this is one of them. No canned sentiment that someone else wrote for a commercial card ever matches my emotional landscape, so it's hard to get a card that makes sense. And it feels wrong not to have any card, which is just the card publishers getting to my psyche. Not a favorite for me.
My mom loves holidays. We celebrated every possible holiday in our house, including Groundhog day! Because of this valentines day has always been about familial love to me. It is a small holiday, but I usually put out a few decorations and a small gift for my kids and husband and that's it! Sometimes we go a little bigger with crepes and strawberries and cream.
I don't ever remember feeling down in years when I was single, just did my own thing to honor the people I loved. I can see how people growing up with a different experience may be turned off by this holiday.
Valentines Day is not a big deal for me. I'm of the opinion that it was manufactured by candy makers, florists and greeting card makers. I almost always work that night (night shift nurse in a neonatal ICU) and love on my patients. My husband and I usually pick another night to go out and have dinner.
Valentine's Day isn't a big deal. My late husband usually brought me flowers (a bouquet from the local market most likely) which I loved. Sometimes we'd go out for breakfast or lunch but that was pretty much it.
On another note, I'd like to say that I give to any disasters through UNICEF. My daughter was a school teacher and she said that her immigrant students always said UNICEF was always there for them. I also buy my holiday cards from UNICEF. All the other suggestions are wonderful, too, of course. That's just what I do.
No tradition at all .. grew up in Vienna Austria where it was not important- that changed now .. and then living in NYC when I was in a relationship yes my boyfriend took me out for dinner .. but now back in Vie .. no .. I am so happy as I am .. want to enjoy my day as amy other day ..
Not really strong opinions but I think Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that hurts more people than it celebrates - reinforcing the message that if you don’t have a partner there’s something wrong with you. I liked it as a kids' holiday, making homemade Valentines with the boys for (all) the kids in their classes when they were small. As a happily married adult, it doesn’t seem necessary for me (our wedding anniversary is a more appropriate celebration). We were at the Lindt store yesterday and we each picked something for the other one to give us, but that was more because we happened to be in a chocolate store than for any other reason! I think because I have in the past two years lost two relatives who were single and very lonely, I'm more aware of how holidays can affect those left out - just like Mother’s Day will forever be a heartbreaking day for me because I'm only going to be hearing from one of my boys for the rest of my life.
When we were first married, my husband and I were poor students. We started a tradition, way back then, that we have kept going for 40+ years! We challenged each other to give frugal, if not Zero cost valentines! This produced many creative efforts over the years! Lipstick messages on mirrors...homemade goodies from the oven...paper heart "attacks"...or my all time favorite....a huge heart in the front yard snow, made from powdered strawberry drink mix! The heart stayed there for weeks until the snow melted!
I’m old enough to remember a time when not all of the kids in the class got valentines so Valentine’s Day doesn’t leave the warm and fuzzies. My husbands birthday is the 15th so that takes the pressure off.
The more I fulfill my life on my own terms, the less I care about holidays that don’t apply to me. I don’t notice them. In Japanese class, though, I am discovering all sorts of weird and wonderful holidays, that I *do* like the idea of breaking up normal life more frequently with weird and wonderful things.
My favorite modern holiday is Put On Your Own Shoes Day.
I am almost always single (I think I have been in a relationship for 5 valentine's days and I'm 46) and I honestly forget about it until the actual day. One year my cousin and his wife were in town on the 14th, and we planned to have dinner together - all of us forgetting that restaurants are a nightmare on valentine's day. They were staying in a nice hotel, and the hotel restaurant kindly made room for a table of three. We laughed together that all the waitstaff and couples must have thought we were a thruple. Our conversation that night was 100% family gossip - so very un-sexy!
My brother and I went out to dinner on Feb. 14 many years ago (we’re both single) and the waitress brought us a complimentary appetizer and a small glass of wine each. It wasn’t until then that we realized it was Valentine’s Day and we were considered a “couple”!! I laugh about that still!
Valentine’s Day is a lot easier now that our children are older and there is no last minute frantic rush to make valentines for a school exchange. Chocolate has always been a thing. So we’d buy a box of chocolates or if I’m thinking ahead, a box of chocolate bars from Costco. And share and eat them. I love flowers but not a random bouquet that has to be arranged and then disposed of when they all fade. When the children were young we always made pink milk. No special brunch, though that sounds nice. Pink milk is just red food colouring and some sugar. Blah!! I would love to know what your raspberry milk is.
This year a couple of our daughters (both married and totally in love) gathered with a couple of single friends for a super fun Galentine’s evening. I think they had way more fun and even romance than they would have had prodding their slightly reluctant husbands to think of gifts and stuff.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours. Maybe this year I’ll buy a red tablecloth and some heart confetti. Or maybe not.
Also, I hope you DO write an essay on the me-too backlash! These men need to wake up to the fact that women are fully human, and have the same agency as they do. This includes transgender people as well.
For some reason I really detest the idea of Galentines. I’m not sure why. Valentines ha Denver been big in our house. Growing up my mom did a brunch like you and I’m trying to keep that tradition alive. But that’s essentially it. I do love finding or making the perfect valentines for my son’s exchanges though.
I ignored Valentine's Day for the longest time because I was single, and so were all of my friends. The first Valentine's Day I was married, my husband went all out with flowers and a really nice gift, and I was baffled by it - why was he getting me this stuff? We have since found our equilibrium on holidays and gifts. For us, Valentine's Day is family time in which we focus on friendships and service to the lonely. (Two of my kids' church group took heart cookies last night to a widow who just lost her husband last summer.)
There are a number of holidays that seem like they add expectations and stress instead of joy, and this is one of them. No canned sentiment that someone else wrote for a commercial card ever matches my emotional landscape, so it's hard to get a card that makes sense. And it feels wrong not to have any card, which is just the card publishers getting to my psyche. Not a favorite for me.
My mom loves holidays. We celebrated every possible holiday in our house, including Groundhog day! Because of this valentines day has always been about familial love to me. It is a small holiday, but I usually put out a few decorations and a small gift for my kids and husband and that's it! Sometimes we go a little bigger with crepes and strawberries and cream.
I don't ever remember feeling down in years when I was single, just did my own thing to honor the people I loved. I can see how people growing up with a different experience may be turned off by this holiday.
Valentines Day is not a big deal for me. I'm of the opinion that it was manufactured by candy makers, florists and greeting card makers. I almost always work that night (night shift nurse in a neonatal ICU) and love on my patients. My husband and I usually pick another night to go out and have dinner.
Valentine's Day isn't a big deal. My late husband usually brought me flowers (a bouquet from the local market most likely) which I loved. Sometimes we'd go out for breakfast or lunch but that was pretty much it.
On another note, I'd like to say that I give to any disasters through UNICEF. My daughter was a school teacher and she said that her immigrant students always said UNICEF was always there for them. I also buy my holiday cards from UNICEF. All the other suggestions are wonderful, too, of course. That's just what I do.
Thank you for sharing all these incredible resources for aid. The world needs our love and action so much right now.
No tradition at all .. grew up in Vienna Austria where it was not important- that changed now .. and then living in NYC when I was in a relationship yes my boyfriend took me out for dinner .. but now back in Vie .. no .. I am so happy as I am .. want to enjoy my day as amy other day ..