The Allen v. Farrow documentary shows how the corrupt actions of one rich and powerful man causes 58,000 kids each year to end up in the custody of abusive parents.
Regarding your bias against private schools - I find it interesting. You have had the privilege to make a lot of decisions about your children’s education (based on privileges you can offer with “work anywhere”, salary, etc). I have one child that attended public school and one that attended a private boarding school. I can tell you my daughter, at her boarding school , received a superior education, more expose to diverse socio- economic, gender and race than my son ever did at public school. It’s foolish to lump all “private” schools together - or to shame parents for doing what they think is best for their children. Maybe what your beef is about is the wage inequities - but that is not solved by eliminating educational options.
Like you, my opinions about private school have also been formed from our personal experiences with enrollment at both private schools and public schools. I'm glad you've found an experience for your daughter where she is thriving.
If I had to come up with arguments for private schools (especially really expensive private schools) helping or harming communities, it would be much easier to demonstrate the harm than the help.
I’m not sure where I stand on the entire story, but Moses’ take definitely gave me some pause in my attempts to sort out my thoughts. Would truly love to hear your take on it.
This was brought up in the documentary so sought it out and read it. I wasn't sure what to make of it, except that a bunch of the other siblings are on the record saying nothing Moses said in that post is accurate. So of course that leaves me asking: why in the world would Moses write it?
Ronan Farrow has talked openly (this is also in the documentary) that Woody Allen offered to pay for his college and living expenses, on the condition that Ronan would publicly deny that Woody Allen abused Dylan. So some people speculate that Woody Allen likely paid Moses to write that piece.
I think sadly we will never know the truth. I have two tangential connections to this story (both soon-yi and Mia’s son Matthew Previn were counselors at my summer camp) and I’ve always wondered about it, from the earliest murmurings. The larger point you’re making about parental alienation is totally troubling and disturbing, I agree.
I don’t how I came to be on your email list but reading your review of Allen Vs Farrow it is clear you’ve done no research outside of simply watching this documentary and accepting everything alleged as fact. Dylan is an abused child and is being abused into adult hood. BY HER MOTHER. The documentary conveniently ignores the expert witness testimony from over 9 specialist both in emotional and physical child abuse that said Dylan was coached. Perhaps before running off to support these liars you should do your journalistic duty and look at the FACTS. It’s the same as the Sophie Long case, NO forensic evidence of SA, months of the father bilking over $250k in Go Fund Me only to have been fired by the family law attorneys. This is a witch hunt co opting and white washing the WOC started Me Too movement for another white woman’s benefit. Read Moses Farrow’s Statement on his blog. Watch this documentary scientifically examining the evidence. Retract your review once you accept the truth.
The research I've done outside of watching Allen v. Farrow is living in America and watching the news reports on this which started when I was in college and have continued off and on until today (and I'm sure will continue beyond). I've had 20+ years of hearing Woody Allen's side of things. He controlled the story and the media surrounding all of this. The new documentary is the first time I'm hearing Mia Farrow's side of things, and it paints a remarkably clear picture.
Regarding the Sophie Long case, I don't know who that is or anything about the case and have no comment.
I come from a family of 10 children and there have been allegations of abuse in the family. Some members of the family can't imagine that this has happened and some absolutely know it did - we all have very different experiences and witnessed differed things. Crucially my father has always been very divisive as a tactic to control and so there are a couple in the family who will fight tooth and nail to support my father and discredit those making the allegations. They know the allegations are true but they are fully groomed to believe they will get some sort of credit by supporting him to the death. This is how toxic families work. The fact that Moses wrote this feels very familiar to me and confirms the allegations in my mind rather than discrediting farrow.
I was horrified by the documentary and that Woody has never been punished. And the way he tried to continually manipulate the kids to take his side is sickening. I am sure that he has in essence paid Moses off. I am glad that Dylan finally gets to set the record straight.
So much in the 4th installment stuck with me. I was really shocked by how much control the publicist (I can't remember her name) could exert; how she could limit access to celebrities unless media published the story she wanted published.
About the loss of smell, my mother had a head injury 5 years ago and lost the ability to smell and taste. It's been really traumatic for her, she used to love to cook and eat really well, not anymore. Everything taste bland and she can only perceived really strong flavors like an expresso or really (really really) spicy food, and she perceive ir vaintly. Once a fire started while cooking and she didn't noticed till she got burned. I have seen the effect on her, how deppressed she got after that injury. I can not imagine how covid patients will live with that for a long period of their lives.
I'm so sorry about your mother's loss of taste and smell. What a traumatic life change to endure. I'm very concerned/curious about what post-covid effects will be. I wonder when we'll have a better sense of how long it takes to fully heal (if that is even possible).
Thank you for sharing your incredible intellect and insight. You are amazing and so well-spoken. I have followed you from the beginning and each year you only get better. Please run for President, I will vote for you.
It's been a long time since I have browsed your site, as life often meanders and you move on to other things or lose time for things like reading blogs. But I was pleasantly surprised to find this newsletter in my inbox today and it was really wonderful, if not refreshing, to "hear" from you! I love that you are starting a regular newsletter and I can't wait to read the next one.
I have not watched the documentary but I do remember when the Woody Allen and Soon Yi case was first in the media. It is disturbing how we as as society have discredited the voices of women, especially those who have been victimized or their children have been victimized. I can't even imagine having to go through that with my own children but I know I would fight until my last dying breath to bring down the man who did it. Now I will definitely have to check the documentary out!
So much to say, but primarily thank you for somehow finding time (how???) to do such great long form writing that reaches, I can only assume, a wide range of people. One thing in particular - thank you for your caution against OUR. I’ve worked in philanthropy for a decade (the field of grantmaking to nonprofit organizations) and I worked on anti-trafficking issues in particular for a couple years. OUR and similar organizations are incredibly harmful and channel resources and attention away from more responsible and impactful organizations that address the root causes of trafficking. It’s always dismaying to me to see it touted among many, often Mormon, women as a worthy group to support. Thanks for highlighting this.
"OUR and similar organizations are incredibly harmful and channel resources and attention away from more responsible and impactful organizations that address the root causes of trafficking."
That's a really good point, Jess. It's not just the direct harm OUR is doing, it's the indirect harm too — drawing attention and resources from more impactful organizations.
I am honestly afraid of being accused of parental alienation by my emotionally abusive ex. This passed year our child could no longer handle going to their dad’s house and began having panic attacks and started getting depressed due to dad’s emotional neglect/abuse. We have been in a court battle for 8 months. My child and I both feel unheard, disbelieved, pretty desperate, and accused of using my child out of spite for my ex. It is maddening and heartbreaking the damage it has caused our two children: obviously me too, but I’m just trying to protect my kids as much as I can and the court ordered reunification therapist said she saw “restrictive gate keeping” from me because I called her out on shaming my child for their feelings. It should be obvious this is wrong, but as a nearly graduated therapist myself, I was appalled and horrified at the harmful and unethical behavior she displayed multiple times. But I was told by my attorney it didn’t matter what I thought, she was considered an “expert” witness. Honestly I told my attorney just to end it. It was doing too much harm to my kid and I needed her to be able to have the opportunity to receive help from a good therapist that doesn’t have an agenda and engage in emotional manipulation, without the threat of jail or aging for my ex’s attorney over my head. My ex was seeking payment for his attorney, community service and jail time! For not forcing my tween into his car to go to his house. The policeman he called was not going to force her into the car either. And through all of this, we have learned women are not listened to or believed. That white men and money rule the world and supposed “justice” system. My child was 12 at the time, very mature, and no one, no one, (but me) was willing to listen to her. It has been devastating and the best I can do I is help her cope with situation because her dad’s dna has more rights than she does as a whole human being. And if one more person (including my parents) says“but he’s her dad and she needs to have a relationship with him”, I’m going to lose it! Her mental health is being sacrificed for his right to see her. If he made effort to learn and change that would be entirely different, but he has not. My teen may have to go on an antidepressant to be able to handle life with her father and no one but me find that shockingly abhorrent! It’s a mess and I hate it. Women are so easily cast as hysterical, illogical, emotional, spiteful, scorned, etc... and completely dismissed, invalidated, unheard, and disbelieved. But in our case it is clear my ex lost his shit and maliciously sought to punish me for trying to protect our child instead of having a single conversation with me about it. Not one. And cannot recognize how this is causing more trauma for our children than he already caused by surprising us all one day saying he had filed divorce. It’s just so hurtful and painful to be accused of wrong doing when trying to be the one that protects your child from harm. There is sadly no foolproof solution. I just wish women were listened and believed. Even my mom claims it is just “different perspectives” because she doesn’t believe me or my daughter. But somehow she believes the man that destroyed our family and causes me and my kids continuous distress. I am emotional about it all. It is a very scary, emotional situation not to be able to protect your child from harm. (Clarification: one child is more affected by the emotional neglect/abuse than the other due to a diagnosed anxiety disorder, gender difference and thus difference in treatment by their father).
Hell yes to not supporting OUR. From their historical appropriation to their “tough guys living out little boy fantasies”, it reeks of exploitation, white saviorism and greed. There are loads of legitimate human trafficking organizations that do far more than OUR.
Yes! Such a key point: There are loads of legitimate human trafficking organizations. If this is a cause you care deeply about, there are great organizations to support. OUR is not one of them.
Part of my criticism deals with how the issue of sex trafficking is being used as a political tool to scare and manipulate people. OF COURSE everyone is in favor of fighting sex trafficking. So it's easy for a candidate to claim it's a key issue they're working on (even if they're not) in order to win a vote. It's easy for an organization to raise money, if it looks like they are heroically saving small children (even if they're actually causing real problems).
The whole #saveourchildren movement that happened before the election was a political manipulation. There's major overlap between #saveourchildren, OUR, Q-Anon, pizzagate, and several other conspiracies.
Should we care about sex trafficking? Yes! And there are excellent organizations we can support if we'd like to do so. I don't believe OUR is one of them. Here's a link to a list of organizations you can support:
Thank you so much for sharing this. I founded a podcast and organization about this very thing to help victims of this type of abuse (Betrayal Trauma Recovery). In fact, I just went through this exact thing, where the court believed my abuser instead of me, and he got more custody. It's so frustrating and sad, and even though I advocate for thousands of victims and understand this issue well, I still can't figure out how to beat it. At least not yet. But women, collectively are learning. We are figuring this out, and as a community of victims when one of us has an epiphany, all of us have an epiphany. It's heart wrenching and difficult on a daily basis, but it's also exciting to know that change seems to be on the way . . . Thank you so much for taking the time to talk about this and highlight it.
"But women, collectively are learning. We are figuring this out, and as a community of victims when one of us has an epiphany, all of us have an epiphany."
That's beautiful and hopeful. I'm so sorry the court believed your abuser.
Regarding your bias against private schools - I find it interesting. You have had the privilege to make a lot of decisions about your children’s education (based on privileges you can offer with “work anywhere”, salary, etc). I have one child that attended public school and one that attended a private boarding school. I can tell you my daughter, at her boarding school , received a superior education, more expose to diverse socio- economic, gender and race than my son ever did at public school. It’s foolish to lump all “private” schools together - or to shame parents for doing what they think is best for their children. Maybe what your beef is about is the wage inequities - but that is not solved by eliminating educational options.
Like you, my opinions about private school have also been formed from our personal experiences with enrollment at both private schools and public schools. I'm glad you've found an experience for your daughter where she is thriving.
If I had to come up with arguments for private schools (especially really expensive private schools) helping or harming communities, it would be much easier to demonstrate the harm than the help.
Gabriele, this is incredibly well written. You've put words to thoughts I've had for years. Would you consider tweeting this?
Thanks, Carrie. I did write a section of this as a short thread on Twitter (the part about Soon-Yi). Let me see if I can find the link.
Found it! Here's the thread: https://twitter.com/designmom/status/1368881143869804547?s=20
Thanks Gabriele!
I am truly curious about your take on this piece, written by Moses Farrow:
http://mosesfarrow.blogspot.com/2018/05/a-son-speaks-out-by-moses-farrow.html?m=1
I’m not sure where I stand on the entire story, but Moses’ take definitely gave me some pause in my attempts to sort out my thoughts. Would truly love to hear your take on it.
This was brought up in the documentary so sought it out and read it. I wasn't sure what to make of it, except that a bunch of the other siblings are on the record saying nothing Moses said in that post is accurate. So of course that leaves me asking: why in the world would Moses write it?
Ronan Farrow has talked openly (this is also in the documentary) that Woody Allen offered to pay for his college and living expenses, on the condition that Ronan would publicly deny that Woody Allen abused Dylan. So some people speculate that Woody Allen likely paid Moses to write that piece.
I think sadly we will never know the truth. I have two tangential connections to this story (both soon-yi and Mia’s son Matthew Previn were counselors at my summer camp) and I’ve always wondered about it, from the earliest murmurings. The larger point you’re making about parental alienation is totally troubling and disturbing, I agree.
I don’t how I came to be on your email list but reading your review of Allen Vs Farrow it is clear you’ve done no research outside of simply watching this documentary and accepting everything alleged as fact. Dylan is an abused child and is being abused into adult hood. BY HER MOTHER. The documentary conveniently ignores the expert witness testimony from over 9 specialist both in emotional and physical child abuse that said Dylan was coached. Perhaps before running off to support these liars you should do your journalistic duty and look at the FACTS. It’s the same as the Sophie Long case, NO forensic evidence of SA, months of the father bilking over $250k in Go Fund Me only to have been fired by the family law attorneys. This is a witch hunt co opting and white washing the WOC started Me Too movement for another white woman’s benefit. Read Moses Farrow’s Statement on his blog. Watch this documentary scientifically examining the evidence. Retract your review once you accept the truth.
https://youtu.be/WDTwP4bUD4g
http://mosesfarrow.blogspot.com/2018/05/a-son-speaks-out-by-moses-farrow.html?m=1
The research I've done outside of watching Allen v. Farrow is living in America and watching the news reports on this which started when I was in college and have continued off and on until today (and I'm sure will continue beyond). I've had 20+ years of hearing Woody Allen's side of things. He controlled the story and the media surrounding all of this. The new documentary is the first time I'm hearing Mia Farrow's side of things, and it paints a remarkably clear picture.
Regarding the Sophie Long case, I don't know who that is or anything about the case and have no comment.
I come from a family of 10 children and there have been allegations of abuse in the family. Some members of the family can't imagine that this has happened and some absolutely know it did - we all have very different experiences and witnessed differed things. Crucially my father has always been very divisive as a tactic to control and so there are a couple in the family who will fight tooth and nail to support my father and discredit those making the allegations. They know the allegations are true but they are fully groomed to believe they will get some sort of credit by supporting him to the death. This is how toxic families work. The fact that Moses wrote this feels very familiar to me and confirms the allegations in my mind rather than discrediting farrow.
I was horrified by the documentary and that Woody has never been punished. And the way he tried to continually manipulate the kids to take his side is sickening. I am sure that he has in essence paid Moses off. I am glad that Dylan finally gets to set the record straight.
So much in the 4th installment stuck with me. I was really shocked by how much control the publicist (I can't remember her name) could exert; how she could limit access to celebrities unless media published the story she wanted published.
Thank you for writing this. None of this is right. The system is so backwards. There is no sense of justice.
The parental alienation stats are so maddening.
About the loss of smell, my mother had a head injury 5 years ago and lost the ability to smell and taste. It's been really traumatic for her, she used to love to cook and eat really well, not anymore. Everything taste bland and she can only perceived really strong flavors like an expresso or really (really really) spicy food, and she perceive ir vaintly. Once a fire started while cooking and she didn't noticed till she got burned. I have seen the effect on her, how deppressed she got after that injury. I can not imagine how covid patients will live with that for a long period of their lives.
I'm so sorry about your mother's loss of taste and smell. What a traumatic life change to endure. I'm very concerned/curious about what post-covid effects will be. I wonder when we'll have a better sense of how long it takes to fully heal (if that is even possible).
Thank you for sharing your incredible intellect and insight. You are amazing and so well-spoken. I have followed you from the beginning and each year you only get better. Please run for President, I will vote for you.
Christie are you trying to make me blush? Cause it's working. : ) Thank you for the kind words.
It's been a long time since I have browsed your site, as life often meanders and you move on to other things or lose time for things like reading blogs. But I was pleasantly surprised to find this newsletter in my inbox today and it was really wonderful, if not refreshing, to "hear" from you! I love that you are starting a regular newsletter and I can't wait to read the next one.
I have not watched the documentary but I do remember when the Woody Allen and Soon Yi case was first in the media. It is disturbing how we as as society have discredited the voices of women, especially those who have been victimized or their children have been victimized. I can't even imagine having to go through that with my own children but I know I would fight until my last dying breath to bring down the man who did it. Now I will definitely have to check the documentary out!
Such a kind thing to say, Colleen! Thank you for being so supportive.
Right on. Allen and the whole industry supporting him should be held accountable.
Yes! The publicist. The media. The whole thing.
So much to say, but primarily thank you for somehow finding time (how???) to do such great long form writing that reaches, I can only assume, a wide range of people. One thing in particular - thank you for your caution against OUR. I’ve worked in philanthropy for a decade (the field of grantmaking to nonprofit organizations) and I worked on anti-trafficking issues in particular for a couple years. OUR and similar organizations are incredibly harmful and channel resources and attention away from more responsible and impactful organizations that address the root causes of trafficking. It’s always dismaying to me to see it touted among many, often Mormon, women as a worthy group to support. Thanks for highlighting this.
"OUR and similar organizations are incredibly harmful and channel resources and attention away from more responsible and impactful organizations that address the root causes of trafficking."
That's a really good point, Jess. It's not just the direct harm OUR is doing, it's the indirect harm too — drawing attention and resources from more impactful organizations.
I am honestly afraid of being accused of parental alienation by my emotionally abusive ex. This passed year our child could no longer handle going to their dad’s house and began having panic attacks and started getting depressed due to dad’s emotional neglect/abuse. We have been in a court battle for 8 months. My child and I both feel unheard, disbelieved, pretty desperate, and accused of using my child out of spite for my ex. It is maddening and heartbreaking the damage it has caused our two children: obviously me too, but I’m just trying to protect my kids as much as I can and the court ordered reunification therapist said she saw “restrictive gate keeping” from me because I called her out on shaming my child for their feelings. It should be obvious this is wrong, but as a nearly graduated therapist myself, I was appalled and horrified at the harmful and unethical behavior she displayed multiple times. But I was told by my attorney it didn’t matter what I thought, she was considered an “expert” witness. Honestly I told my attorney just to end it. It was doing too much harm to my kid and I needed her to be able to have the opportunity to receive help from a good therapist that doesn’t have an agenda and engage in emotional manipulation, without the threat of jail or aging for my ex’s attorney over my head. My ex was seeking payment for his attorney, community service and jail time! For not forcing my tween into his car to go to his house. The policeman he called was not going to force her into the car either. And through all of this, we have learned women are not listened to or believed. That white men and money rule the world and supposed “justice” system. My child was 12 at the time, very mature, and no one, no one, (but me) was willing to listen to her. It has been devastating and the best I can do I is help her cope with situation because her dad’s dna has more rights than she does as a whole human being. And if one more person (including my parents) says“but he’s her dad and she needs to have a relationship with him”, I’m going to lose it! Her mental health is being sacrificed for his right to see her. If he made effort to learn and change that would be entirely different, but he has not. My teen may have to go on an antidepressant to be able to handle life with her father and no one but me find that shockingly abhorrent! It’s a mess and I hate it. Women are so easily cast as hysterical, illogical, emotional, spiteful, scorned, etc... and completely dismissed, invalidated, unheard, and disbelieved. But in our case it is clear my ex lost his shit and maliciously sought to punish me for trying to protect our child instead of having a single conversation with me about it. Not one. And cannot recognize how this is causing more trauma for our children than he already caused by surprising us all one day saying he had filed divorce. It’s just so hurtful and painful to be accused of wrong doing when trying to be the one that protects your child from harm. There is sadly no foolproof solution. I just wish women were listened and believed. Even my mom claims it is just “different perspectives” because she doesn’t believe me or my daughter. But somehow she believes the man that destroyed our family and causes me and my kids continuous distress. I am emotional about it all. It is a very scary, emotional situation not to be able to protect your child from harm. (Clarification: one child is more affected by the emotional neglect/abuse than the other due to a diagnosed anxiety disorder, gender difference and thus difference in treatment by their father).
This sounds so painful and awful. I am so sorry you are going through all of that💜
Oh Emily, that's so hard and awful and unfair. I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are not being heard and believed.
Hell yes to not supporting OUR. From their historical appropriation to their “tough guys living out little boy fantasies”, it reeks of exploitation, white saviorism and greed. There are loads of legitimate human trafficking organizations that do far more than OUR.
Yes! Such a key point: There are loads of legitimate human trafficking organizations. If this is a cause you care deeply about, there are great organizations to support. OUR is not one of them.
I am interested in learning more about your stance on OUR. What resources do you recommend studying?
Part of my criticism is particular to OUR (Operation Underground Railroad). This recent article is particularly troubling:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/bvxev5/inside-a-massive-anti-trafficking-charitys-blundering-overseas-missions
Here's another one:
https://newrepublic.com/article/158974/qanon-operation-underground-railroad-sex-trafficking
Part of my criticism deals with how the issue of sex trafficking is being used as a political tool to scare and manipulate people. OF COURSE everyone is in favor of fighting sex trafficking. So it's easy for a candidate to claim it's a key issue they're working on (even if they're not) in order to win a vote. It's easy for an organization to raise money, if it looks like they are heroically saving small children (even if they're actually causing real problems).
The whole #saveourchildren movement that happened before the election was a political manipulation. There's major overlap between #saveourchildren, OUR, Q-Anon, pizzagate, and several other conspiracies.
Here's some reading on that:
https://reason.com/2015/09/30/the-war-on-sex-trafficking-is/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/america-doesnt-need-any-more-awareness-about-human-trafficking_n_5e3d8bedc5b6bb0ffc1007ec
https://time.com/5887437/conspiracy-theories-2020-election/
https://www.justsecurity.org/72339/qanon-is-a-nazi-cult-rebranded/
This twitter thread has links to 9 articles that you can read to get an accurate picture of what's actually happening with child trafficking:
https://twitter.com/ENBrown/status/1304761953949188096?s=20
This is an example of a candidate/party claiming they care about something, but then doing the opposite:
https://www.courthousenews.com/prosecution-of-kiddie-traffickers-plummeted-under-trump/
-----
Should we care about sex trafficking? Yes! And there are excellent organizations we can support if we'd like to do so. I don't believe OUR is one of them. Here's a link to a list of organizations you can support:
https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=57
Thank you so much for sharing this. I founded a podcast and organization about this very thing to help victims of this type of abuse (Betrayal Trauma Recovery). In fact, I just went through this exact thing, where the court believed my abuser instead of me, and he got more custody. It's so frustrating and sad, and even though I advocate for thousands of victims and understand this issue well, I still can't figure out how to beat it. At least not yet. But women, collectively are learning. We are figuring this out, and as a community of victims when one of us has an epiphany, all of us have an epiphany. It's heart wrenching and difficult on a daily basis, but it's also exciting to know that change seems to be on the way . . . Thank you so much for taking the time to talk about this and highlight it.
I love what you wrote, Anne:
"But women, collectively are learning. We are figuring this out, and as a community of victims when one of us has an epiphany, all of us have an epiphany."
That's beautiful and hopeful. I'm so sorry the court believed your abuser.
I am loving your newsletter. Thank you!
Thanks for the feedback, Nichelle!