At This Point, Let's Assume They All Have A History of Sexual Assault

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It Doesn’t Seem To Matter What The Actual Facts Are

I’m thinking about Russell Brand today. A few days ago he made a video, trying to defend himself against an article that hadn’t come out yet. Then the article came out. He is credibly accused of rape and sexual assault — including of a 16 year old. Credibly is an especially key word in this instance because due to libel laws in the UK, the accusations need to be essentially rock-solid and totally vetted before an article like this can be published. The evidence in the article was researched for multiple years.

Since the article came out, some people are trying to defend Brand — notably Andrew Tate, Elon Musk, and Tucker Carlson have all spoken up on his behalf. It doesn’t seem to matter what the actual facts are. Brand admitted in a text message that he did it. The phone number that sent the text message was independently verified by multiple people. His victim went to a rape crisis centre— she showed proof of her visit. And yet men still don't believe her. Even if she showed video evidence, they would no doubt still accuse her of lying.

Others explain they have known this about Brand all along. An interview with Dannii Minogue, from 17 years ago(!) has been re-shared — in it she calls Russell Brand a ‘vile predator’.

I read the article that lays out the accusations against Brand. I hope you get a chance to read it too. I believe the women. I know a court of law has to wait to proclaim Brand guilty until proven so, but I’m not a court of law and have no such rules. Personally, I find it quite impossible to believe he is innocent of these charges, but can easily believe he is guilty of them.

I hold only a small hope Brand will actually face any consequences for his actions — in fact, he received a standing ovation at Wembley Park Theatre on Saturday night. But still, I would like to see his platform and resources taken from him. I would like to see him lose his ability to interact with his audience. I would like to see his resources redistributed among the women he assaulted. I would like to see him lose his fame and fortune.

When I Was Thinking About Creepy Men, Howard Stern Came To Mind

It’s exhausting to keep giving creepy, misogynist men the benefit of the doubt. As I was reading about Brand, Howard Stern came to mind — maybe it’s their similar hairstyles that made me associate the two. I know very little about Howard Stern and have heard zero accusations against him, but here is why I put him in the creepy, misogynist men category: I remember a co-worker telling me they loved his radio show. I gave it listen in the car one day. It’s a little fuzzy in my memory, but the segment I caught involved a man and his girlfriend. They were in the studio and she was naked behind a curtain, and there was some sort of contest and if the man didn’t win, then Stern and his staff would get to open the curtain. My impression was that Howard Stern absolutely despises women and I had no interest in listening further.

At some point later, I heard more praise for Howard Stern and decided I would give his radio show another try. This time, the segment I caught involved women in a competition to shoot ping pong balls from their anuses. I think I only managed 2 mins of the segment before realizing what the segment was, turning it off and again concluding: Howard Stern absolutely despises women.

I have one more memory of the Howard Stern Show — this one is a video memory (I guess the radio show was also videotaped?). In the segment, Howard Stern is trying to coerce a famous blonde bombshell — I think it was Anna Nicole Smith — into letting a staff member perform oral sex on her. She doesn’t want to and says she’s on her period, hoping they will drop it, but they won’t drop it. I didn’t make it through the whole segment and don’t know what happened in the end. Again, it was clear to me that Howard Stern absolutely despises women.

It brings to mind an idea we briefly discussed in an earlier newsletter: that the term heterosexual is too broad. I’m married to a heterosexual man and I have clear experience with what it looks like when a man is attracted to women. Based on what I’ve observed, Howard Stern is not attracted to women, he’s attracted to seeing women degraded, defiled, dismissed, shamed, abused, assaulted, and “put in their place.” I don’t know what the term for that is or should be, but it certainly shouldn’t sit in the same category as heterosexual.

It has been many years since I’ve listened to Howard Stern — the memories I shared are all old and a bit blurry. Maybe my memories are inaccurate, and maybe his show is very different these days. I don’t know and I admit I’m not interested in finding out. I really only encounter celebrity gossip if it turns into a conversation on Twitter, and again, I have heard zero accusations about Howard Stern. And yet, I can’t imagine a world where a man who hates women as much as Stern would have to hate women, in order to create the segments I described, has not sexually assaulted multiple women. It would be delightful to find out that I’m very wrong. But at this point, doesn’t it make more sense to believe that the men who openly hate women in their professional lives, also hate women in their personal lives?

We Can And Should Assume They Have A Lengthy History of Violence Against Women

Wouldn’t it make Occam’s-razor-sense that every man who is openly hateful toward women, who makes jokes about rape, who routinely degrades women, who suggests women should have fewer rights, can and should be assumed to have a lengthy history of violence against women? Howard Stern came to mind for me and I know almost nothing about him. No doubt other men come to mind for you. If the Times invested 4 years of research and journalism into any of the men that come to mind, what would the Times find? If a news story broke today about whatever man comes to mind for you, would you be surprised, or would you nod along and think: well, obviously.

I can’t help but apply similar thinking to every rock star I grew up with. As we work on the renovation of the Small House, we often listen to music from the 80s and I think about these beloved performers from that era. Here was a decade where women were simply not considered fully human, and here were all these male-led bands with gobs of money and power and access to women. Can’t we safely assume that every one of the musicians we adored routinely committed sexual assault? It’s extremely unpleasant to think about, but is it more realistic to believe they didn’t? That they never coerced sex? That they never brought a 16 year old backstage? (I don’t know the last time you interacted with a 16 year old but oh my goodness 16 is so very young.)

It’s not clear to me what I actually want to happen regarding all of this. I guess I just want our culture to move toward a place where we stop giving these men the benefit of the doubt. Where we stop hiring them or refuse to work with them because it’s only a matter of time that their history of assaults will be exposed; that the truth will come out. I want younger men to see that there are negative consequences for hating women, so that building a career on that hate isn’t appealing.

Again, it’s exhausting. I don’t think there are enough journalists and enough funds to pay the journalists, in order to investigate every creepy misogynist — and that’s true even if we just focus on the famous ones. It feels like we’re so far away from any sort of justice in these cases. But maybe it’s not nothing to publicly and frequently point out that we see the creepy misogynists. That we recognize their creepiness. That we assume they have a history of violence against women. Maybe if these men have a sense that they are no longer getting away with their bad behavior, their behavior will change.

9/19 UPDATE:

News broke yesterday (after I’d published) about how at least seven women have accused Tim Ballard of sexual misconduct — Ballard is LDS and the subject of the recent movie, Sound of Freedom. I read the news and had the expected well, obviously response. Tim Ballard fantasizes about children being kidnapped, abused, and assaulted so that he can cos-play being a hero and rescue them. Every time I’ve every heard him open his mouth I am creeped out. Of course he’s a sexual predator. Of course!

If you’d like to learn more about Tim Ballard and why his claims about child trafficking are so faulty and uninformed, I highly recommend this recent episode of the You’re Wrong About podcast . In the episode, they have an excellent discussion about the Sound of Freedom movie (and are more fair and generous to the director than you might expect), and then they re-release an earlier episode about the facts surrounding child-trafficking. The episode is incredibly well-researched and will help anyone who is concerned about this issue see a clear picture of what is actually happening.

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That’s all for now. I hope you have a wonderful week. Feel free to comment on anything I mentioned above, or whatever’s on your mind.

kisses,
Gabrielle

P.S. — We sent Oscar off to Ireland for college last week — today will be his first day of classes! I plan to tell you all about it, but that will be another newsletter.