Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Sarah Owens's avatar

I agree with so much of what you're saying. AND I am an adopted mother of seven kids, all adopted internationally. Six out of the seven were abandoned with no connection to any family history whatsoever. Not even names or birthdays. We try to honor their culture and are very open and honest about their histories and would encourage them as much as possible to find their birth families if they want. We would 100% support that. One son has some information about his birth mother and we hope to connect with her one day when and if he wants to.

Adoption is brokeness. We honor that. We acknowledge it and don't gloss over the fact that there is much pain involved on all sides. We hold that at the same time as knowing our kids have physically healthy lives and a family to support them and love them. All kids need families, this I 100% support. Not institutions to raise children, families. But instead of just pulling them out of the system we need to go upstream and see why they are falling in. That's where we'll solve the problem. And that is why I support so much of what you're saying here. Adoption is not the solution, finding out why it is necessary and solving that is.

Expand full comment
Lizzy Schwartz's avatar

Thank you for bringing attention to this issue! I wanted to add my perspective as a lawyer working in family defense, a field dedicated to reunifying families separated through the family policing system. Most domestic adoption is not of children whose parents have died or have chosen to put their child up for adoption; rather, these are children whose parents' rights have been terminated by child protection systems, often for minor infractions. I had one client, a nurse and loving father, who got into a fight with another adult man and was charged with neglecting his child. I'm not condoning fighting, but he cannot reasonably be said to have neglected his son. In other cases, parents who are unhoused are punished for their poverty by having their children removed, rather than the state providing housing. This system particularly targets families who poor and/or Black, effectively extending police surveillance in these communities.

For more information, see this NYT article: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/21/nyregion/foster-care-nyc-jane-crow.html

New York state lists children who are available for adoption, much like animals searchable by characteristics on PetFinder. This is a sickening concept, if we remember that almost all of these children have parents who would do anything to have their children returned: https://hs.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/DemographicSearch

Expand full comment
79 more comments...

No posts