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Judith Rinker Öhman's avatar

I have (or had) a mini-version of your stepsibling experience. I've had a stepbrother for around 30 years who I've never actually forgotten about, but we've only seen each other a handful of times and up until last year we'd never had any meaningful contact. But a year ago this month, my Dad started having medical problems that were pretty obviously the beginning of the end. As my Dad's family is in Texas and I'm in Sweden and we have pretty limited contact, I wouldn't have even known this; and with COVID, I couldn't even travel there when I did find out. But my wonderful stepbrother got in touch, and over the coming month facilitated many, many FaceTime visits for my Dad and me. And in between, stepbro and I talked a lot about both practical and emotional matters. My Dad did ultimately pass, and I got detailed updates on the memorial service and all it entailed. My Dad's wife has always kept me updated via letters, but if it hadn't been for my stepbrother I wouldn't have had that precious personal time with my Dad in his final days. I'll always be grateful.

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Amy's avatar

Oh, I so appreciate you opening up about this topic! As someone with nine siblings, I have enough trouble keeping track of them and their families now that we are all adults. The four stepsisters I gained when I was in my forties are perfectly fine people but I don’t think of them as my siblings—I tend to think of them as my mom’s husband’s kids. There was some wishful thinking on my mom’s part that we would all merge into a big(ger) family when they married, but logistically that’s just impossible unless we rent out a convention hall or something. Age (they were in their 30s and 40s as well) and proximity (I don’t live nearby my step siblings) probably played a role, too.

But my own oldest child is technically my former stepson, as his dad and I married when he was a toddler and then we divorced after 22 years together. He’s still my kid and he’s still my other two kids’ brother. We are fortunate that our divorce was amicable and we can all celebrate birthdays and holidays together. There’s more than one way to be a family, and who is married to who doesn’t seem to be nearly as important as I thought back in my twenties when I got married.

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