Curious about what it's like to move to another country and have the whole family learn a new language? Here's a ton of helpful information, and a description of what our experience has been like.
Thank you for this! We had an experience similar to yours: in 2017 we moved to Spain for a few years with our kids, 8 and 11. My husband is a fluent Spanish-speaker and the kids had already attended a bilingual school here in the US, but I ahead only toddler-level Spanish. Learning a language in mid-life was one of the most challenging, frustrating, and yet rewarding things I’ve ever had to do. 💪💪💪
Gabrielle, I wonder if you’d agree that there’s actually a fifth element to language learning, which is ... body language? The Spanish have so many hand gestures and facial expressions we’d never seen before and are not explained in any textbook. Do the French have some of these as well?
Here was my experience at 22 years old, learning a language as a Peace Corps volunteer in Moldova: After 10 weeks of really intense (like 5 hours a day, 6 days a week) language lessons, I found it took about 6 months to feel comfortable understanding and speaking Romanian while fully immersed. It was almost a year before I felt I was fluent. Other than long video chats on weekends or occasionally meeting up with friends, I spoke Romanian 98% of the time. I think the number one thing that helped me learn the language so well (I got to a point where I started thinking and dreaming in Romanian) was hours long conversations every single night with my host mom during the first 9 months or so. We would talk about everything under the sun, using google translate or my dictionary to help as needed. I do think the fact that I already knew some French and Spanish helped as well, especially with reading and writing, as they are all Romance languages. I agree with the order that language learning happens: first understanding, then speaking, then reading, then writing. My grammar (when writing in particular) isn’t great, but I can get my point across.
I will add for translations, especially letters and compositions, try https://www.deepl.com/translator it is based on deep learning and I found that works better than google translator.
I can't speak to learning languages, but I have lived on military time since I was in college running 24 hour around the clock experiments (much easier to delineate 2pm from 2am when it's 14:00 and 2:00). I set every possible digital thing in our house to a 24 hour clock so my kids are being forced to pick it up as well. (I don't "speak" 24 hour clock... when asked what time it is, I'll say 2:15 not 14:15. But my brain does the translation automatically.) I wish more of the world would use the 24 hour standard!
Amazing! When I was in my early 20’s I did a contract for Disney in Tokyo. Living in Florida there wasn’t much in the way of learning the language beforehand. This was in 2001. The only Japanese I knew was domo arigato mr roboto.
Not the most helpful saying. Not a lot of Mr, Roboto’s living there. And if there had been they’d be introduced as Roboto San.
I found that by having an open mind to the language made it easier. Going into it thinking, “Japanese is hard”, doesn’t help. I wanted to learn it and because I wanted to learn it I found it easier. I sought out opportunities to speak it. I immersed myself in as much as I could. By the time my contract was done I could easily move about and chat. As long as I was in control of the conversation I had an easier time. I was helping new arrivals set up their lives as a translator. I knew just enough.
Most of it is gone now. Whenever I run into someone from there I always use it as an opportunity to kick off the rust. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I remember.
This was wonderful and lots of it lines up with my experience too. At 22 I moved to Germany and lived with a German family. I lived there for 5 years in total and came home with a German husband. I’m Australian, so I didn’t need to learn the metric system as that’s what we use here, but I did have to work hard on a few other things. For me, a big one was grammar, as German (and French) is structured differently than English. I bought a textbook for learning German as a second language and every day I worked through a page or two. I also challenged myself to read a newspaper article every day. When I started, I had to look up every second word in the birth announcements, but I felt so proud when I managed most of a front page article without the help of the dictionary.
Another difficult thing has been keeping it up now that we’re based in Australia. I’ve noticed my accent and reading have slipped a lot. I’ve started watching movies and tv shows in German with German subtitles turned on to help with that. I’ve also dug out some books I bought there and I’m planning to start reading them again.
I moved to Thailand with our family for the last three years. My husband and I were hired to teach at an international school. Out kids were learning Thai, Chinese, and English at school but since the majority of our work and school time was in English it seemed that none of us were fluent in another language. Thai is so hard and most people know English so I basically knew just enough to get around and run errands. My kids were better at Chinese than Thai and were often afraid to try using either language outside of school. Now we are living in Armenia in a similar situation but with the pandemic we have barely had time to speak to locals. I don't even know my numbers in Armenian, which feels so embarrassing. Of course Armenian is also a hard language too.
It seems much of the world knows English so if you want to learn another language then you need to work hard at it. Intensive study in the first year is very useful.
I was 13 years old when we moved to France from the US. My parents were French so we were always spoken to in French at home (we often answered in English) and we’d been to France multiple times so that wasn’t even that much of a culture shock. But I can’t imagine attending a French school at that time. My brother and I attended the American School of Paris. I eventually went back to the US for college, my brother who was younger than me by 5 years ended up at the local lycée and then university in France. Anyway kudos to your kids. I know it’s not easy.
Great post and 100% consistent with our experience moving to Austria for 3 years (although none of us had any German language skills -- Vienna forgave us). Our 7 year old became our translator and errand runner within about 6 months! It was slower for the rest of us. I used Fluenz software which I absolutely loved as a grammar and word person. I just couldn't let myself go without understanding the "why's " of speech and phrasing, and for a Type A grammar girl, Fluenz was spectacular. But still, even 3 years on, I only felt comfortable with bare bones speaking (I'm fluent in restaurant) for all the reasons you say.
I am kind of the opposite, I am from France and moved to California after my Master for my first job as a Kindergarten school teacher at a French/English bilingual school. Even so, I learned English thru middle and high school, it was very difficult the first year to understand and speak English. The worst part for me was answering the phone, I was terrified! And, I still don't like it after 26 years in the US... I think I can call myself bilingual, but I really do have a thick French accent, for most people it is charming, but there are always some people who will decide that they will not understand me because of it.... Anyway, you are right about the 6 years old mark for kids to learn a second language, it comes very easy for them until 1st grade / CP, after that it will take more effort and support. My son is lucky to be trilingual: English, French, and Spanish, no accent at all, and is a binational (US/French). But the best part is that he is totally acquainted with the social customs of the US, France, and Mexico which makes him a cultured and open-minded person. I really enjoy your writing and your updates on Instagram!
my husband came to germany from poland when he was 9, but he still managed to learn german very quickly and speaks without an accent. I think this can be attributed to the fact that he was really fully immersed - he had no one except his family to speak polish to, and he had to start right away in school. His brother, who was 12, had a much harder time, although he is obviously fluent now, but with a very slight accent.
I came to Germany when I was 21 - I speak fluently and quite well, but obviously with an accent - although I am often mistaken for a scandinavian. I was very determined and I didn't allow Germans to speak any english to me, so I learned very quickly - within the year.
In the end, you just have to speak. Immersion is, as you say, key. I always recommend signing up for local classes in something you enjoy - art, music, etc - it's a great low key way to practice your language skills. (obviously this is hard during the pandemic).
Also, try to surround yourself with locals instead of expats - the expat trap is the biggest barrier to language learning!!
Also, give up perfection. You will make mistakes all the time (I still do!), you will not understand most of what you are hearing - and that's ok! Just relax, and keep going. You will be amazed at how quickly you improve when you aren't focused on perfection.
Thanks so much for your piece on learning languages. I think as adults, we need to give ourselves time and grace in the learning process. While kids may appear to learn languages faster, they also have fewer words, phrases, etc. in their vocabulary at that time. A typical 40 year old adult has many 'rooms' of language - household interactions, work language, academic language, etc. and trying to recreate that in a new language will be overwhelming. As an English language instructor, I encourage my students to keep moving forward with small, continual bites. Pages of vocabulary and verb conjugations to memorize are not how we learn and hold onto language naturally. I love the suggestion of iTalki. This can also be done by creating a relationship with someone you already know who speaks your target language and allow time for each of you to talk in each other's language. Language learning is a practice!
Language Learning is my métier. I have been an ESL teacher for 27 years and am National Board Certified in the USA. Spanish is my second language and I use it daily in my work, among other languages. I don’t teach language in a vacuum; I also support students in all other content areas.
First, some research. Language Learning takes time. In a new language, Basic Interpersonal Communication Skill (“Hello, how are you?,”Do you have any apples?”) requires from 1-2 years. I would say that varies +/- .5 to 1.5 years depending on a lot of factors that I will discuss later. Cognitive Academic Language Proficiency (“In conclusion, there are many factors that affect plant growth,” “Describe three long-term effects of colonialism.”) takes from 5-7 years, +/- 3 years.
Regarding whether or not younger folks learn languages “more easily.” Yes and no. Their brains are more plastic and can master the sound bank of a new language more easily. Older kids and adults may need more time and practice to develop the auditory discrimination to hear and reproduce different sounds, but it’s possible. Current research on neuroplasticity supports this. Older learners have an advantage in that they have more knowledge of how language works and how words are categorized and they are more proficient readers. They are better at comparing and contrasting their first language to the new language. Many of my students who speak English with no accent because they learned it very young often lack reading fluency in one or both of their languages. Listening and Speaking tend to come more easily to the younger crew, Reading and Writing more so for the older folks. Listening on the Phone is a deep skill that requires deep cultivation for almost everyone.
Younger folk tend to treat language learning like play. Most are not worried about making mistakes. After all, what parent has ever responded to a baby who said “mama,” by saying “NO! It’s ‘Mother’”)? The friends around them may repeat the phrase correctly for them without making them feel weird about mistakes. They are more likely to say “What?!” when they don’t understand. In primary grades and preschool, there is a lot of learning through play, lots of concrete visuals and lots and lots of context to help kids gauge what’s happening. The rate of speech is slower. Think back to how fast your kindergarten teacher talked, compared to your High School History teacher. Think about how much scaffolding and visual support was in that kindergarten class.
As we get older, we become much more self conscious about speaking a new language. Foreign language instruction typically reinforces this. Remember all those rigidly structured dialogues and red marks on your French/Spanish/German worksheets? Most adults prefer not to speak unless they can do it flawlessly. Many of us also carry our own flawed ideas about the perceived intelligence or lack of effort or people who do not speak our own language well.
Now, some factors and ideas that assist in language learning. What’s the urgency? In a classroom far away from the country, not so much. Need to get through the school day? Now your attention is laser- focused.
How close is the Sound Bank of that language to your language? What about the writing system? How much common vocabulary is there Many Western European/Romance Languages come easily to me because of the similar range of sounds, common vocabulary, and the Roman alphabet. I have picked up quite a few useful phrases to speak in Korean and Russian because the sound bank is close enough to English. Do I write those phrases? No. I can learn phrases in Vietnamese, Chinese, and Arabic, but it takes a lot more repetition and practice to make sure that I am saying them correctly.
Listening is important but Listening and Speaking go together. Anytime we move our tongue in the service of learning, our brain lights up like a fireworks display. Even when we are able to read silently, without hearing any voice in our head, those neurons are still firing. So talk it up, make mistakes, make a mess. One great thing that helps with listening is playing an instrument or singing for at least a year.
Use as many of the pathways as possible (L,S,R,W) at a time to help you learn. I love apps but most of us retain things more readily if we actually write them down.
If more practice, support and scaffolding that is available, usually that results in faster rate or learning.
You have to start where you are. If reading, read things that you can understand easily with 90%+ comprehension and can guess the rest of the words through context clues, NOT Google translate. So start with the pre-kindergarten books, preferably with audio. When you are done reading them, read them again out loud with the audio. Record yourself, but don’t beat yourself up. When I do this for Spanish I keep a journal where I write the title of the book, new words I found, my English guess and a picture/ quick explanation of clues that helped me. If you can, write your explanation in Spanglish, Franglish for a no accountability practice in writing. When that level becomes too easy, go to the next level. I use this technique for independent reading for my students and it works wonderfully and is great evidence of long term progress.
For listening, play videos at slower than normal speed with the target language captions on. So if you are learning French, do French. Duolingo has some great slow language podcast with lots of scaffolding that also help your learn a bit of culture.
If you don’t remember a word, don’t panic. Point and ask “What is it?” Describe it with the words that you DO know (Um… the long, thin orange vegetable that grows under the ground.). Draw a picture to show and and do the same. If the person says the word, repeat it out loud a few times. I find most people, even Parisians, are fairly polite if you are making an effort.
Relax, smile, and stay positive. This helps prevent cortisol from hijacking your brain and impairing your learning circuitry. Cultivate a “child mind.” Label your missteps as “experience,” versus “mistakes.”
Move your body while you learn. Dance, walk, bike, this reduces stress and brings oxygen to your hippocampus-- the memory center of your brain. Learn the lyrics to some songs while you are at it. Activities that use balance and/or coordination, like juggling, catch, hopping can help your brain, too.
Anxious perfectionists can have a hard time with language learning in real time. Especially if someone else in the family is diving right in and experimenting. When we have visited friends in Mexico, my husband needs to take time to explore away from me and/or have a drink or two before he is willing to talk. Help them cultivate a child mind. Also, for anyone who still seems to struggle, consider a developmental vision exam and/or an auditory processing assessment. There are therapies that can help with this.
Finally, time on task, even 15 minutes a day, can have a big impact over time. Kids have more time than parents, because most parents are caught up in the day to day of taking care of their families. Seek out the opportunities that you can, let your kids teach you and vice versa. Bilingual flashcards and math games are one great example. Be creative. It’s important for them to see you working diligently to learn something, too.
Thank you for this! We had an experience similar to yours: in 2017 we moved to Spain for a few years with our kids, 8 and 11. My husband is a fluent Spanish-speaker and the kids had already attended a bilingual school here in the US, but I ahead only toddler-level Spanish. Learning a language in mid-life was one of the most challenging, frustrating, and yet rewarding things I’ve ever had to do. 💪💪💪
Gabrielle, I wonder if you’d agree that there’s actually a fifth element to language learning, which is ... body language? The Spanish have so many hand gestures and facial expressions we’d never seen before and are not explained in any textbook. Do the French have some of these as well?
Here was my experience at 22 years old, learning a language as a Peace Corps volunteer in Moldova: After 10 weeks of really intense (like 5 hours a day, 6 days a week) language lessons, I found it took about 6 months to feel comfortable understanding and speaking Romanian while fully immersed. It was almost a year before I felt I was fluent. Other than long video chats on weekends or occasionally meeting up with friends, I spoke Romanian 98% of the time. I think the number one thing that helped me learn the language so well (I got to a point where I started thinking and dreaming in Romanian) was hours long conversations every single night with my host mom during the first 9 months or so. We would talk about everything under the sun, using google translate or my dictionary to help as needed. I do think the fact that I already knew some French and Spanish helped as well, especially with reading and writing, as they are all Romance languages. I agree with the order that language learning happens: first understanding, then speaking, then reading, then writing. My grammar (when writing in particular) isn’t great, but I can get my point across.
That Spring video was so beautiful! It made my day.
Lots of great info, thanks for sharing.
I will add for translations, especially letters and compositions, try https://www.deepl.com/translator it is based on deep learning and I found that works better than google translator.
I can't speak to learning languages, but I have lived on military time since I was in college running 24 hour around the clock experiments (much easier to delineate 2pm from 2am when it's 14:00 and 2:00). I set every possible digital thing in our house to a 24 hour clock so my kids are being forced to pick it up as well. (I don't "speak" 24 hour clock... when asked what time it is, I'll say 2:15 not 14:15. But my brain does the translation automatically.) I wish more of the world would use the 24 hour standard!
Amazing! When I was in my early 20’s I did a contract for Disney in Tokyo. Living in Florida there wasn’t much in the way of learning the language beforehand. This was in 2001. The only Japanese I knew was domo arigato mr roboto.
Not the most helpful saying. Not a lot of Mr, Roboto’s living there. And if there had been they’d be introduced as Roboto San.
I found that by having an open mind to the language made it easier. Going into it thinking, “Japanese is hard”, doesn’t help. I wanted to learn it and because I wanted to learn it I found it easier. I sought out opportunities to speak it. I immersed myself in as much as I could. By the time my contract was done I could easily move about and chat. As long as I was in control of the conversation I had an easier time. I was helping new arrivals set up their lives as a translator. I knew just enough.
Most of it is gone now. Whenever I run into someone from there I always use it as an opportunity to kick off the rust. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I remember.
This was wonderful and lots of it lines up with my experience too. At 22 I moved to Germany and lived with a German family. I lived there for 5 years in total and came home with a German husband. I’m Australian, so I didn’t need to learn the metric system as that’s what we use here, but I did have to work hard on a few other things. For me, a big one was grammar, as German (and French) is structured differently than English. I bought a textbook for learning German as a second language and every day I worked through a page or two. I also challenged myself to read a newspaper article every day. When I started, I had to look up every second word in the birth announcements, but I felt so proud when I managed most of a front page article without the help of the dictionary.
Another difficult thing has been keeping it up now that we’re based in Australia. I’ve noticed my accent and reading have slipped a lot. I’ve started watching movies and tv shows in German with German subtitles turned on to help with that. I’ve also dug out some books I bought there and I’m planning to start reading them again.
I moved to Thailand with our family for the last three years. My husband and I were hired to teach at an international school. Out kids were learning Thai, Chinese, and English at school but since the majority of our work and school time was in English it seemed that none of us were fluent in another language. Thai is so hard and most people know English so I basically knew just enough to get around and run errands. My kids were better at Chinese than Thai and were often afraid to try using either language outside of school. Now we are living in Armenia in a similar situation but with the pandemic we have barely had time to speak to locals. I don't even know my numbers in Armenian, which feels so embarrassing. Of course Armenian is also a hard language too.
It seems much of the world knows English so if you want to learn another language then you need to work hard at it. Intensive study in the first year is very useful.
I was 13 years old when we moved to France from the US. My parents were French so we were always spoken to in French at home (we often answered in English) and we’d been to France multiple times so that wasn’t even that much of a culture shock. But I can’t imagine attending a French school at that time. My brother and I attended the American School of Paris. I eventually went back to the US for college, my brother who was younger than me by 5 years ended up at the local lycée and then university in France. Anyway kudos to your kids. I know it’s not easy.
Great post and 100% consistent with our experience moving to Austria for 3 years (although none of us had any German language skills -- Vienna forgave us). Our 7 year old became our translator and errand runner within about 6 months! It was slower for the rest of us. I used Fluenz software which I absolutely loved as a grammar and word person. I just couldn't let myself go without understanding the "why's " of speech and phrasing, and for a Type A grammar girl, Fluenz was spectacular. But still, even 3 years on, I only felt comfortable with bare bones speaking (I'm fluent in restaurant) for all the reasons you say.
I am kind of the opposite, I am from France and moved to California after my Master for my first job as a Kindergarten school teacher at a French/English bilingual school. Even so, I learned English thru middle and high school, it was very difficult the first year to understand and speak English. The worst part for me was answering the phone, I was terrified! And, I still don't like it after 26 years in the US... I think I can call myself bilingual, but I really do have a thick French accent, for most people it is charming, but there are always some people who will decide that they will not understand me because of it.... Anyway, you are right about the 6 years old mark for kids to learn a second language, it comes very easy for them until 1st grade / CP, after that it will take more effort and support. My son is lucky to be trilingual: English, French, and Spanish, no accent at all, and is a binational (US/French). But the best part is that he is totally acquainted with the social customs of the US, France, and Mexico which makes him a cultured and open-minded person. I really enjoy your writing and your updates on Instagram!
my husband came to germany from poland when he was 9, but he still managed to learn german very quickly and speaks without an accent. I think this can be attributed to the fact that he was really fully immersed - he had no one except his family to speak polish to, and he had to start right away in school. His brother, who was 12, had a much harder time, although he is obviously fluent now, but with a very slight accent.
I came to Germany when I was 21 - I speak fluently and quite well, but obviously with an accent - although I am often mistaken for a scandinavian. I was very determined and I didn't allow Germans to speak any english to me, so I learned very quickly - within the year.
In the end, you just have to speak. Immersion is, as you say, key. I always recommend signing up for local classes in something you enjoy - art, music, etc - it's a great low key way to practice your language skills. (obviously this is hard during the pandemic).
Also, try to surround yourself with locals instead of expats - the expat trap is the biggest barrier to language learning!!
Also, give up perfection. You will make mistakes all the time (I still do!), you will not understand most of what you are hearing - and that's ok! Just relax, and keep going. You will be amazed at how quickly you improve when you aren't focused on perfection.
Thanks so much for your piece on learning languages. I think as adults, we need to give ourselves time and grace in the learning process. While kids may appear to learn languages faster, they also have fewer words, phrases, etc. in their vocabulary at that time. A typical 40 year old adult has many 'rooms' of language - household interactions, work language, academic language, etc. and trying to recreate that in a new language will be overwhelming. As an English language instructor, I encourage my students to keep moving forward with small, continual bites. Pages of vocabulary and verb conjugations to memorize are not how we learn and hold onto language naturally. I love the suggestion of iTalki. This can also be done by creating a relationship with someone you already know who speaks your target language and allow time for each of you to talk in each other's language. Language learning is a practice!
Language Learning is my métier. I have been an ESL teacher for 27 years and am National Board Certified in the USA. Spanish is my second language and I use it daily in my work, among other languages. I don’t teach language in a vacuum; I also support students in all other content areas.
First, some research. Language Learning takes time. In a new language, Basic Interpersonal Communication Skill (“Hello, how are you?,”Do you have any apples?”) requires from 1-2 years. I would say that varies +/- .5 to 1.5 years depending on a lot of factors that I will discuss later. Cognitive Academic Language Proficiency (“In conclusion, there are many factors that affect plant growth,” “Describe three long-term effects of colonialism.”) takes from 5-7 years, +/- 3 years.
Regarding whether or not younger folks learn languages “more easily.” Yes and no. Their brains are more plastic and can master the sound bank of a new language more easily. Older kids and adults may need more time and practice to develop the auditory discrimination to hear and reproduce different sounds, but it’s possible. Current research on neuroplasticity supports this. Older learners have an advantage in that they have more knowledge of how language works and how words are categorized and they are more proficient readers. They are better at comparing and contrasting their first language to the new language. Many of my students who speak English with no accent because they learned it very young often lack reading fluency in one or both of their languages. Listening and Speaking tend to come more easily to the younger crew, Reading and Writing more so for the older folks. Listening on the Phone is a deep skill that requires deep cultivation for almost everyone.
Younger folk tend to treat language learning like play. Most are not worried about making mistakes. After all, what parent has ever responded to a baby who said “mama,” by saying “NO! It’s ‘Mother’”)? The friends around them may repeat the phrase correctly for them without making them feel weird about mistakes. They are more likely to say “What?!” when they don’t understand. In primary grades and preschool, there is a lot of learning through play, lots of concrete visuals and lots and lots of context to help kids gauge what’s happening. The rate of speech is slower. Think back to how fast your kindergarten teacher talked, compared to your High School History teacher. Think about how much scaffolding and visual support was in that kindergarten class.
As we get older, we become much more self conscious about speaking a new language. Foreign language instruction typically reinforces this. Remember all those rigidly structured dialogues and red marks on your French/Spanish/German worksheets? Most adults prefer not to speak unless they can do it flawlessly. Many of us also carry our own flawed ideas about the perceived intelligence or lack of effort or people who do not speak our own language well.
Now, some factors and ideas that assist in language learning. What’s the urgency? In a classroom far away from the country, not so much. Need to get through the school day? Now your attention is laser- focused.
How close is the Sound Bank of that language to your language? What about the writing system? How much common vocabulary is there Many Western European/Romance Languages come easily to me because of the similar range of sounds, common vocabulary, and the Roman alphabet. I have picked up quite a few useful phrases to speak in Korean and Russian because the sound bank is close enough to English. Do I write those phrases? No. I can learn phrases in Vietnamese, Chinese, and Arabic, but it takes a lot more repetition and practice to make sure that I am saying them correctly.
Listening is important but Listening and Speaking go together. Anytime we move our tongue in the service of learning, our brain lights up like a fireworks display. Even when we are able to read silently, without hearing any voice in our head, those neurons are still firing. So talk it up, make mistakes, make a mess. One great thing that helps with listening is playing an instrument or singing for at least a year.
Use as many of the pathways as possible (L,S,R,W) at a time to help you learn. I love apps but most of us retain things more readily if we actually write them down.
If more practice, support and scaffolding that is available, usually that results in faster rate or learning.
You have to start where you are. If reading, read things that you can understand easily with 90%+ comprehension and can guess the rest of the words through context clues, NOT Google translate. So start with the pre-kindergarten books, preferably with audio. When you are done reading them, read them again out loud with the audio. Record yourself, but don’t beat yourself up. When I do this for Spanish I keep a journal where I write the title of the book, new words I found, my English guess and a picture/ quick explanation of clues that helped me. If you can, write your explanation in Spanglish, Franglish for a no accountability practice in writing. When that level becomes too easy, go to the next level. I use this technique for independent reading for my students and it works wonderfully and is great evidence of long term progress.
For listening, play videos at slower than normal speed with the target language captions on. So if you are learning French, do French. Duolingo has some great slow language podcast with lots of scaffolding that also help your learn a bit of culture.
If you don’t remember a word, don’t panic. Point and ask “What is it?” Describe it with the words that you DO know (Um… the long, thin orange vegetable that grows under the ground.). Draw a picture to show and and do the same. If the person says the word, repeat it out loud a few times. I find most people, even Parisians, are fairly polite if you are making an effort.
Relax, smile, and stay positive. This helps prevent cortisol from hijacking your brain and impairing your learning circuitry. Cultivate a “child mind.” Label your missteps as “experience,” versus “mistakes.”
Move your body while you learn. Dance, walk, bike, this reduces stress and brings oxygen to your hippocampus-- the memory center of your brain. Learn the lyrics to some songs while you are at it. Activities that use balance and/or coordination, like juggling, catch, hopping can help your brain, too.
Anxious perfectionists can have a hard time with language learning in real time. Especially if someone else in the family is diving right in and experimenting. When we have visited friends in Mexico, my husband needs to take time to explore away from me and/or have a drink or two before he is willing to talk. Help them cultivate a child mind. Also, for anyone who still seems to struggle, consider a developmental vision exam and/or an auditory processing assessment. There are therapies that can help with this.
Finally, time on task, even 15 minutes a day, can have a big impact over time. Kids have more time than parents, because most parents are caught up in the day to day of taking care of their families. Seek out the opportunities that you can, let your kids teach you and vice versa. Bilingual flashcards and math games are one great example. Be creative. It’s important for them to see you working diligently to learn something, too.