I’m very angry. I will probably cuss a lot in the newsletter. I’m going to talk about abuse and murder and misogyny and other horrible things. Skip it if you need to.
I'm too old to be patient with men any longer. You've probably read the obituary and other notes about Michael that have sprouted like spring grass since this happened, stopping just short of nominating him for sainthood or the Mormon equivalent. Of course they knew; they ALL knew, and they're busy covering their asses.
Can't talk now, I'm buying tickets for Women Talking.
What a horrific story. And you are right, 100%, about the abuse of power by men. This quote from your article in particular struck me: "What is the fucking point of accepting a position as bishop if you’re going to let this shit happen? The entire purpose of having the priesthood, of being a bishop, is to serve others." Think about how this could be said about so, so many of our politicians in Washington. Why campaign and take up the position of representative - and take the oath - only to at best do nothing good, and at worst, harm the country for your own gain. Power has overtaken service. Our country, as a living organism, feels ill. And yes, power-hungry, gun-loving, misogynist men are the infection.
I’m so glad you wrote this! It’s horrendous on so many levels and when I saw that the family actually wrote a glowing obituary, I almost flew to Utah to scream at them! How disgusting to pretend that you knew nothing about what an evil person he was. It’s stunning that there will be no accountability. The Mormon religion seemed to support this monstrous person rather than protect this woman and her children. How does the institution just move on and act like this isn’t a symptom of something which is broken. Thank you for always shining a very clear light on issues which demand our attention.
What’s so enraging about this is that it is so predictable. The misogyny is staggering. That innocent women and children suffered in terror and pain at his hand is beyond my comprehension, in 2023….That possibly dozens of people knew about him and did nothing is beyond. my. grasp. Thanks for posting the rant as the situation definitely calls for it. Just tragic.
Thank you Gabby for this piece; for its insights in to a small Mormon community, for your personal courage in calling it out, and your palpable rage at the injustice and insanity of it all. It’s also provided a useful window into further discussion and discovery …. I’m off now to read about Entitled Shame.
As horrible as what he did is. And in no way is excusable. However, attacking the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-day Saints men in my opinion is unfair. We don't know who she told, though she obviously told some. Could this all have been avoided? Possibly, in fact probably, but it is impossible to know. People are imperfect. (Very) My problem is attacking people versus a church's collective group. Painting the men as bad people is harsh, since we don't know. God alone knows. And Michael will be accountable to God. We all will. The bishops and counsellors.
I'm not here to argue. What happened is horrible and wrong. We all have a right to be angry. Murder is wrong.
And you are just as welcome to disagree. Why can't people disagree civilized anymore? Thank you for your response. In all honesty, I was worried that this might bring some hate. :)
Too bad that "God" didn't intervene. Or maybe "inspire" church leaders - who are supposed to care about the safety and well being of their members - to intervene and protect that poor woman and her precious children.
I say we should judge men now. With judges. I'm tired of sweeping violence under the rug with the dismissive "God will judge them."
I wonder how many men in this town or even country are holding onto the belief of a man being the "king of his castle"; Having the right to execute his family if he sees fit? That if a man's perceived ownership of his wife and children is threatened, that he should be able to take this action? The indifferent gun laws and way we continue to permit massacre after massacre suggests that's the priority.
I 100% agree with you ,and am so grateful for your clear voice.. The time is past for patience with this murderous patriarchy we all live under. Thank you for speaking out!
Thank you for this. I'm not LDS but I grew up in a conservative small town and I know that *everyone* knows. Did you happen to see the statement put out by Tausha's family? It's very clearly pro-gun (and they threw in some anti-choice language, too, since that's relevant (?!)) ... just another level of mind-boggling and enraging. The abuse was really at all levels, it seems.
Certainly helped to shine a light on how she found herself in that situation and why it was so hard for her to get out. I wonder when they finally believed her.
Thank you for this heartfelt and heart wrenching post. I would like to be able to say it surprises me but, it truly doesn't. So many groups (religious, political, etc.) are more concerned about their image than protecting others. A man who lied about his entire resume....just made up things out of whole cloth....just took his seat in Congress without much of a fuss from his political party because they want his vote. And for decades, the leadership of the Catholic Church, consciously hid what was happening in their midst because they didn't want to hurt their image. They just moved the offenders to new towns knowing they would abuse others. And the many ultra Orthodox Jewish sects that tolerate abuse by men, and then refuse to "grant" a wife a divorce unless the abusive husband agrees. The list goes on and on. I just read Women Talking and I am both outraged and numb. The cover up was just as bad as the abuse. When, years ago, Jim Jones convinced 909 people to participate in a mass murder/suicide it was beyond my imagination how people could so freely give themselves over to such a man. Today, I feel like nothing could surprise me any more. Thank you again for your rage. Each of us needs to march and rage and shout from the mountain tops.
You are always on point when it comes to discussing sensitive topics regarding Mormonism in the USA. Your input it’s so valuable because it’s honest, informed and accurate.
It’s absolutely unacceptable and I agree with you completely. This fake “pretend to be perfect” bubble world in which Mormon small communities in Utah live, is no longer valid in 2023; it’s unfair, dangerous and devastating for the weakest members of these groups who happen to be the ones that the church should be advocating and actively protecting.
Thank you for your bravery and for bringing up this controversial topic for discussion.
It’s the least that we can all do; publicly stand against it and demand action.
Everyone everywhere, and especially the kind of people who could have prevented this, should read No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder. The fact is that we DO know how we can stop men from killing their intimate partners. But systemic misogyny means women’s lives are valued less than abusers’ freedom to abuse and kill them.
I am not shocked knowing that this man would have been cocooned from any responsibility or accountability by church leaders as in my experience the church creates a perfect environment for men like this to practice their monstrous ways. What better place for a man who no doubt possessed little or no power in daily life, to be able to exert it over his family facilitated by the culture of patriarchy within the church and its outward support of him when rewarding him with positions of relative power and standing within the local ward or stake. To end in such a way is a heartbreaking as we know the most dangerous time for a woman and her children is when she makes the decision to leave. She showed such monumental courage whilst he demonstrated total cowardice with tragic consequences. Thank you Gabrielle for yet again articulating what others would cower away from.
I'm too old to be patient with men any longer. You've probably read the obituary and other notes about Michael that have sprouted like spring grass since this happened, stopping just short of nominating him for sainthood or the Mormon equivalent. Of course they knew; they ALL knew, and they're busy covering their asses.
Can't talk now, I'm buying tickets for Women Talking.
What a horrific story. And you are right, 100%, about the abuse of power by men. This quote from your article in particular struck me: "What is the fucking point of accepting a position as bishop if you’re going to let this shit happen? The entire purpose of having the priesthood, of being a bishop, is to serve others." Think about how this could be said about so, so many of our politicians in Washington. Why campaign and take up the position of representative - and take the oath - only to at best do nothing good, and at worst, harm the country for your own gain. Power has overtaken service. Our country, as a living organism, feels ill. And yes, power-hungry, gun-loving, misogynist men are the infection.
I’m so glad you wrote this! It’s horrendous on so many levels and when I saw that the family actually wrote a glowing obituary, I almost flew to Utah to scream at them! How disgusting to pretend that you knew nothing about what an evil person he was. It’s stunning that there will be no accountability. The Mormon religion seemed to support this monstrous person rather than protect this woman and her children. How does the institution just move on and act like this isn’t a symptom of something which is broken. Thank you for always shining a very clear light on issues which demand our attention.
What’s so enraging about this is that it is so predictable. The misogyny is staggering. That innocent women and children suffered in terror and pain at his hand is beyond my comprehension, in 2023….That possibly dozens of people knew about him and did nothing is beyond. my. grasp. Thanks for posting the rant as the situation definitely calls for it. Just tragic.
correcting myself : an innocent woman - singular- ( mom of similarly innocent children).
The murderer also killed his wife's mother-in-law in addition to his wife, so you were right the first time. Plural "women" is indeed warranted here.
Thank you Gabby for this piece; for its insights in to a small Mormon community, for your personal courage in calling it out, and your palpable rage at the injustice and insanity of it all. It’s also provided a useful window into further discussion and discovery …. I’m off now to read about Entitled Shame.
As horrible as what he did is. And in no way is excusable. However, attacking the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-day Saints men in my opinion is unfair. We don't know who she told, though she obviously told some. Could this all have been avoided? Possibly, in fact probably, but it is impossible to know. People are imperfect. (Very) My problem is attacking people versus a church's collective group. Painting the men as bad people is harsh, since we don't know. God alone knows. And Michael will be accountable to God. We all will. The bishops and counsellors.
I'm not here to argue. What happened is horrible and wrong. We all have a right to be angry. Murder is wrong.
Thank you for your thoughts. I believe I was very fair to both the men and the church. But certainly you welcome to disagree with my assessment.
And you are just as welcome to disagree. Why can't people disagree civilized anymore? Thank you for your response. In all honesty, I was worried that this might bring some hate. :)
Have a good rest of your day!
It was a small town and I’m sure a lot of people knew. He was almost charged for strangling his oldest daughter in 2020. https://apnews.com/article/crime-utah-suicide-child-abuse-a89f3343e069c5214154ef24cca5b40f
Too bad that "God" didn't intervene. Or maybe "inspire" church leaders - who are supposed to care about the safety and well being of their members - to intervene and protect that poor woman and her precious children.
I say we should judge men now. With judges. I'm tired of sweeping violence under the rug with the dismissive "God will judge them."
I wonder how many men in this town or even country are holding onto the belief of a man being the "king of his castle"; Having the right to execute his family if he sees fit? That if a man's perceived ownership of his wife and children is threatened, that he should be able to take this action? The indifferent gun laws and way we continue to permit massacre after massacre suggests that's the priority.
Amen to all of this. This was absolutely 💯 preventable and every person (man) who knew about this and did nothing should feel responsible.
I 100% agree with you ,and am so grateful for your clear voice.. The time is past for patience with this murderous patriarchy we all live under. Thank you for speaking out!
Thank you for this. I'm not LDS but I grew up in a conservative small town and I know that *everyone* knows. Did you happen to see the statement put out by Tausha's family? It's very clearly pro-gun (and they threw in some anti-choice language, too, since that's relevant (?!)) ... just another level of mind-boggling and enraging. The abuse was really at all levels, it seems.
Certainly helped to shine a light on how she found herself in that situation and why it was so hard for her to get out. I wonder when they finally believed her.
There's national abuse lines but not sure how much they can help in a small town. She had no where to turn.
Thank you for this heartfelt and heart wrenching post. I would like to be able to say it surprises me but, it truly doesn't. So many groups (religious, political, etc.) are more concerned about their image than protecting others. A man who lied about his entire resume....just made up things out of whole cloth....just took his seat in Congress without much of a fuss from his political party because they want his vote. And for decades, the leadership of the Catholic Church, consciously hid what was happening in their midst because they didn't want to hurt their image. They just moved the offenders to new towns knowing they would abuse others. And the many ultra Orthodox Jewish sects that tolerate abuse by men, and then refuse to "grant" a wife a divorce unless the abusive husband agrees. The list goes on and on. I just read Women Talking and I am both outraged and numb. The cover up was just as bad as the abuse. When, years ago, Jim Jones convinced 909 people to participate in a mass murder/suicide it was beyond my imagination how people could so freely give themselves over to such a man. Today, I feel like nothing could surprise me any more. Thank you again for your rage. Each of us needs to march and rage and shout from the mountain tops.
You said it...loud and clear....your anger has served a purpose. Now how does change happen in these communities...in this country....?
You are always on point when it comes to discussing sensitive topics regarding Mormonism in the USA. Your input it’s so valuable because it’s honest, informed and accurate.
It’s absolutely unacceptable and I agree with you completely. This fake “pretend to be perfect” bubble world in which Mormon small communities in Utah live, is no longer valid in 2023; it’s unfair, dangerous and devastating for the weakest members of these groups who happen to be the ones that the church should be advocating and actively protecting.
Thank you for your bravery and for bringing up this controversial topic for discussion.
It’s the least that we can all do; publicly stand against it and demand action.
Everyone everywhere, and especially the kind of people who could have prevented this, should read No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder. The fact is that we DO know how we can stop men from killing their intimate partners. But systemic misogyny means women’s lives are valued less than abusers’ freedom to abuse and kill them.
Every word of this. Thank you.
I am not shocked knowing that this man would have been cocooned from any responsibility or accountability by church leaders as in my experience the church creates a perfect environment for men like this to practice their monstrous ways. What better place for a man who no doubt possessed little or no power in daily life, to be able to exert it over his family facilitated by the culture of patriarchy within the church and its outward support of him when rewarding him with positions of relative power and standing within the local ward or stake. To end in such a way is a heartbreaking as we know the most dangerous time for a woman and her children is when she makes the decision to leave. She showed such monumental courage whilst he demonstrated total cowardice with tragic consequences. Thank you Gabrielle for yet again articulating what others would cower away from.