In this newsletter: A discussion about godparents, a report on our visit to Amsterdam, the UK edition of Ejaculate Responsibly, book events in SLC and Atlanta, fluffy lemon pudding, and so much more.
Re: godparents, I was interested to learn that in order for one of her son's to take first communion in the Catholic Church, a friend needed to retro-actively assign godparents to the child. Apparently it is part of the sacrament (at least traditionally), and since they are fringe catholics, hadn't done that piece until now.
Brandon Sanderson is one of my favorite authors, along with Lois McMaster Bujold. I would recommend you read his book, Warbreaker next. It's a fascinating world he creates!
We are what we jokingly refer to as High Holiday Catholics 🤪 we have baptized both our daughters and therefore have Godparents.
They are meant to be religious guides/examples for their Godchildren. My best friend is my first daughter’s Godmother and she takes that role very seriously. She is involved in her like in various ways, primarily reminding me of my own duties haha My oldest daughter’s Godfather is my husband’s brother and they are no longer on speaking terms (too long to explain why haha) and he makes ZERO attempts to communicate with my daughter. My brother is my second daughter’s Godfather and he sees his role more as a spoiler - he buys her all the things, calls her, and all around tries to have a close relationship with her. My sister-in-law (my husband’s brother’s wife) is my second daughter’s Godmother and well, due to the relationship between my husband and her husband, she is around for her birthday most of the time and sees her at other family events.
I wish we would have made different choices regarding their Godparents for the couple that is distant but it’s hard to know at the time how relationships will develop. I have Godparents but they are my aunt and uncle (my mom’s siblings) and I love them both dearly and they have always been there for me. SORRY!! This was WAY longer than I intended it to be 🤪
We Catholics assign godparents before the infant is baptized. I think one of the godparents is suppose to be Catholic but not sure that is mandatory. Essentially, you are promising to see that the child is raised Catholic. As an attorney, we list guardians in the wills of parents who have minor children. Not binding on the Court but certainly has a lot of influence on the appointment of the guardian. While not the same as a Godparent, the guardian is in name only as long as the parents are alive but in either role, one can be as hands on or not as you desire to be.
I’m super excited you are coming to Tulsa in October. We have a lot of great authors sponsored by our bookstore, Magic City. Also, we have 5 wonderful speakers annually in our Town Hall presentations.
I’m really enjoying Substack Notes. I haven’t used it much, but the vibe there is nice. Of course, it’s just the Substack community, without the open reach of old Twitter.
I’m a Substack fan girl, and I think the SS comments have the potential to be similar to blog comments of old.
Re: Godparents. I had godparents as a child, but they were friends of my parents that slipped away and I never got very close to them unfortunately. We chose godparents for our kids (a relative) and formalized it by writing her into our trust. It was important to us to pick someone who could care for a special needs child that we trusted, but also who would consent to it.
Re: The UK copy of your book. Can we get the UK copy here in the US?
As UUs, we don’t do “God”parents because not all UUs are theists (our family isn’t!). But we do still have a role for a trusted non-parent adult. In my congregation, parents can choose this person for their baby, but if an older child is being welcomed into the congregation, the child themself has a role in choosing. My daughter, who was officially welcomed into our congregation during the pandemic at age 8, chose one of my work colleagues who had by that point become a sort of unofficial “auntie/granny” figure for her. We jokingly call this colleague my kiddo’s “goshparent”. They have a really sweet relationship; pre-pandemic, my colleague kept a bed in her garden for my kid to tend, and had her over for “play dates” if I needed some kid-free work time. During the pandemic, they texted and read to each other over Zoom. It’s so lovely to have a trusted adult who isn’t me who loves my kid and who doesn’t live hundreds of miles away like the grandparents do, and I’m so grateful.
Re: Twitter replacements, I really like Mastodon so far. I know folks often find Mastodon’s learning curve to be high, but I’m happy to offer tips if anyone wants them!
re: godparents, it was never a part of my upbringing. However, as an adult I was asked three different times to be a godmother to someone’s newborn. I turned down two requests because I knew they were meant in the serious and traditional sense and I was not interested in raising children. It was not easy to say no. The 3rd request was accepted gladly because I understood the parent’s intentions were for me to mentor….there were plenty of parental siblings to raise if necessary. My goddaughter is now 32 yrs. old. We continue to share an amazing bond and I am forever grateful to be part of her family. So I guess it’s all about context.
Godparents. I was Catholic. My godparents convinced my parents to move to their area. My godmother was special to me. When my mom became pregnant by another man and divorced my dad, when I was 9, the school board urged for us kids to be kicked out of our Catholic school. My classmates rejected me. And my devout godparents told my parents they were breaking off contact to my whole family, including me.
I would have preferred them saying no when my parents first asked, to them changing their minds down the road when I needed some positive adult contact in my life. There were more bad things happening.
There are kids who have no one to stand up for them, no one to turn to. That seems to me to be a gaping hole in that part of your life where you’re most vulnerable.
My family was not/is not particularly religious, but I had a beloved godmother. I think the formality of the title helped maintain the relationship when time/my age (during my teen/young adult years)/geography might have caused the connection to naturally dissipate. She was never the "backup guardian" in case of something happening to my folks, though. I am now, in turn, godmother to a friend's twins and am hopeful that the bond will also sustain over time. I am their "backup guardian" if something were to happen to both their parents.
I was raised Über Catholic but refused to be confirmed when the time came. I had a godmother, an aunt. She was quasi involved in my life but in odd ways- bringing me back to school clothes shopping with her own daughters but then telling me I was overweight (at the time I was 5’ 9”, in middle school, and weighed 100 lbs!) or by saying I was short waisted, or that what I chose just didn’t look good on me so I left without a single item, and she told my mother, her sister, that I was hard to buy for so she didn’t buy my back to school clothes, leaving my mom to figure out how to get it done. I am the oldest of five. My Godfather is my paternal uncle. He has been there for me my entire life in many different ways. He is 88 now! I love him dearly. We are not at all religious, my husband and I, so our child has no godparents. However, because I am fifteen years older than my husband, and birthed her at age forty, I felt we should choose a family who would adopt her as their own in case anything happened to both of us at the same time. We put it in our wills. They are a family of dear friends we have known since our daughter was two. They have a daughter and son who are dear friends of our daughter. The mom is a nurse, as am I. The dad is in IT, as is my husband. We both homeschooled our children k-12. Despite them moving to AZ, and our home being in NH, we have maintained our friendship. The adults are all dear friends as are the kids. They even asked us to reciprocate should anything happen to both of them. We wholeheartedly agreed to adopt and love their kids as our own. We already love them so much! Now the kids are all in between 19-21 years old, almost in or already in college. They all know we are all here for them despite their age. I also set up a “Council of Moms” in case I die prematurely and my daughter need a mom. So I have a group of friends, each chosen for different reasons, who my daughter could go to with questions, concerns, for hugs, etc at any time. They already play a large role in her life by being active, positive influences.
as we are not religious, we did not choose godparents for our daughters, but our youngest clearly felt a lack and chose two godmothers for herself (lol) when she was about 10 ~ one of them has been fairly active in her life; the other not so much, but she loves them both & they love her.
Wow I love Notes!!!! Is it new? I see there's a box there now to check to share to Notes so i did. When looking through Notes I saw how easy it was to read people's posts and comments. I commented on a post and put an asterisk in the front and back of a word and it italicsed it!! So cool. Never seen that anywhere before. And I'm already joined! Just signed up for Bluesky. I'm on twitter but also Spoutable, Universeodon, Post and Tribel. They all sort of have their own ways of being which I like and aren't morally repellent which is a relief. I get news on tictok and ig (and newsletters) which I get a synopsis on through Twitter-Spoutable-Post usually. Then I check it against nbc nightly news which is usually disappointing due to reporting a few days late of matters, leaving out HUGE parts of issues and both siding issues that don't merit 2 sides-to say the least.
I LOVE the subtitle on the English edition of the book. So direct. Can that maybe be put on the American subsequent editions? American men have got to be some of the most sexually entitled over-privileged men in the world. They need to see this statement, read the book, absorb it, say they're sorry and do better.
The lemon pudding looks soo good. I used to make curd.
We are practicing Anglicans (Canadian). I had three Godparents growing up; they were poorly chosen and had little role in my life. For our own children, we took seriously the idea that Godparents are to support the spiritual upbringing of the children. For that reason, we, um, chose ourselves. Our siblings and most of our friends are non-religious and we were not comfortable asking them to take vows they couldn’t keep.
Our kids have lots of adults in their lives who love them, but we saw Godparents as fulfilling a very specific role. I would have liked to have had people to ask, but we didn’t and that’s OK too.
I like Spoutible the best of the platforms that I have tried so far. I hope it ends up being the one that sticks.
No personal godparent experience, as we are Jewish. But I have friends who have and/or have been godparents, so I think it's more tradition than trend. Maybe just in certain religions/denominations?
Re: godparents, I was interested to learn that in order for one of her son's to take first communion in the Catholic Church, a friend needed to retro-actively assign godparents to the child. Apparently it is part of the sacrament (at least traditionally), and since they are fringe catholics, hadn't done that piece until now.
Brandon Sanderson is one of my favorite authors, along with Lois McMaster Bujold. I would recommend you read his book, Warbreaker next. It's a fascinating world he creates!
Really love the new subtitle!
We are what we jokingly refer to as High Holiday Catholics 🤪 we have baptized both our daughters and therefore have Godparents.
They are meant to be religious guides/examples for their Godchildren. My best friend is my first daughter’s Godmother and she takes that role very seriously. She is involved in her like in various ways, primarily reminding me of my own duties haha My oldest daughter’s Godfather is my husband’s brother and they are no longer on speaking terms (too long to explain why haha) and he makes ZERO attempts to communicate with my daughter. My brother is my second daughter’s Godfather and he sees his role more as a spoiler - he buys her all the things, calls her, and all around tries to have a close relationship with her. My sister-in-law (my husband’s brother’s wife) is my second daughter’s Godmother and well, due to the relationship between my husband and her husband, she is around for her birthday most of the time and sees her at other family events.
I wish we would have made different choices regarding their Godparents for the couple that is distant but it’s hard to know at the time how relationships will develop. I have Godparents but they are my aunt and uncle (my mom’s siblings) and I love them both dearly and they have always been there for me. SORRY!! This was WAY longer than I intended it to be 🤪
We Catholics assign godparents before the infant is baptized. I think one of the godparents is suppose to be Catholic but not sure that is mandatory. Essentially, you are promising to see that the child is raised Catholic. As an attorney, we list guardians in the wills of parents who have minor children. Not binding on the Court but certainly has a lot of influence on the appointment of the guardian. While not the same as a Godparent, the guardian is in name only as long as the parents are alive but in either role, one can be as hands on or not as you desire to be.
I’m super excited you are coming to Tulsa in October. We have a lot of great authors sponsored by our bookstore, Magic City. Also, we have 5 wonderful speakers annually in our Town Hall presentations.
I’m really enjoying Substack Notes. I haven’t used it much, but the vibe there is nice. Of course, it’s just the Substack community, without the open reach of old Twitter.
I’m a Substack fan girl, and I think the SS comments have the potential to be similar to blog comments of old.
Re: Godparents. I had godparents as a child, but they were friends of my parents that slipped away and I never got very close to them unfortunately. We chose godparents for our kids (a relative) and formalized it by writing her into our trust. It was important to us to pick someone who could care for a special needs child that we trusted, but also who would consent to it.
Re: The UK copy of your book. Can we get the UK copy here in the US?
As UUs, we don’t do “God”parents because not all UUs are theists (our family isn’t!). But we do still have a role for a trusted non-parent adult. In my congregation, parents can choose this person for their baby, but if an older child is being welcomed into the congregation, the child themself has a role in choosing. My daughter, who was officially welcomed into our congregation during the pandemic at age 8, chose one of my work colleagues who had by that point become a sort of unofficial “auntie/granny” figure for her. We jokingly call this colleague my kiddo’s “goshparent”. They have a really sweet relationship; pre-pandemic, my colleague kept a bed in her garden for my kid to tend, and had her over for “play dates” if I needed some kid-free work time. During the pandemic, they texted and read to each other over Zoom. It’s so lovely to have a trusted adult who isn’t me who loves my kid and who doesn’t live hundreds of miles away like the grandparents do, and I’m so grateful.
Re: Twitter replacements, I really like Mastodon so far. I know folks often find Mastodon’s learning curve to be high, but I’m happy to offer tips if anyone wants them!
re: godparents, it was never a part of my upbringing. However, as an adult I was asked three different times to be a godmother to someone’s newborn. I turned down two requests because I knew they were meant in the serious and traditional sense and I was not interested in raising children. It was not easy to say no. The 3rd request was accepted gladly because I understood the parent’s intentions were for me to mentor….there were plenty of parental siblings to raise if necessary. My goddaughter is now 32 yrs. old. We continue to share an amazing bond and I am forever grateful to be part of her family. So I guess it’s all about context.
Godparents. I was Catholic. My godparents convinced my parents to move to their area. My godmother was special to me. When my mom became pregnant by another man and divorced my dad, when I was 9, the school board urged for us kids to be kicked out of our Catholic school. My classmates rejected me. And my devout godparents told my parents they were breaking off contact to my whole family, including me.
I would have preferred them saying no when my parents first asked, to them changing their minds down the road when I needed some positive adult contact in my life. There were more bad things happening.
There are kids who have no one to stand up for them, no one to turn to. That seems to me to be a gaping hole in that part of your life where you’re most vulnerable.
re: Godparents
My family was not/is not particularly religious, but I had a beloved godmother. I think the formality of the title helped maintain the relationship when time/my age (during my teen/young adult years)/geography might have caused the connection to naturally dissipate. She was never the "backup guardian" in case of something happening to my folks, though. I am now, in turn, godmother to a friend's twins and am hopeful that the bond will also sustain over time. I am their "backup guardian" if something were to happen to both their parents.
I was raised Über Catholic but refused to be confirmed when the time came. I had a godmother, an aunt. She was quasi involved in my life but in odd ways- bringing me back to school clothes shopping with her own daughters but then telling me I was overweight (at the time I was 5’ 9”, in middle school, and weighed 100 lbs!) or by saying I was short waisted, or that what I chose just didn’t look good on me so I left without a single item, and she told my mother, her sister, that I was hard to buy for so she didn’t buy my back to school clothes, leaving my mom to figure out how to get it done. I am the oldest of five. My Godfather is my paternal uncle. He has been there for me my entire life in many different ways. He is 88 now! I love him dearly. We are not at all religious, my husband and I, so our child has no godparents. However, because I am fifteen years older than my husband, and birthed her at age forty, I felt we should choose a family who would adopt her as their own in case anything happened to both of us at the same time. We put it in our wills. They are a family of dear friends we have known since our daughter was two. They have a daughter and son who are dear friends of our daughter. The mom is a nurse, as am I. The dad is in IT, as is my husband. We both homeschooled our children k-12. Despite them moving to AZ, and our home being in NH, we have maintained our friendship. The adults are all dear friends as are the kids. They even asked us to reciprocate should anything happen to both of them. We wholeheartedly agreed to adopt and love their kids as our own. We already love them so much! Now the kids are all in between 19-21 years old, almost in or already in college. They all know we are all here for them despite their age. I also set up a “Council of Moms” in case I die prematurely and my daughter need a mom. So I have a group of friends, each chosen for different reasons, who my daughter could go to with questions, concerns, for hugs, etc at any time. They already play a large role in her life by being active, positive influences.
as we are not religious, we did not choose godparents for our daughters, but our youngest clearly felt a lack and chose two godmothers for herself (lol) when she was about 10 ~ one of them has been fairly active in her life; the other not so much, but she loves them both & they love her.
Wow I love Notes!!!! Is it new? I see there's a box there now to check to share to Notes so i did. When looking through Notes I saw how easy it was to read people's posts and comments. I commented on a post and put an asterisk in the front and back of a word and it italicsed it!! So cool. Never seen that anywhere before. And I'm already joined! Just signed up for Bluesky. I'm on twitter but also Spoutable, Universeodon, Post and Tribel. They all sort of have their own ways of being which I like and aren't morally repellent which is a relief. I get news on tictok and ig (and newsletters) which I get a synopsis on through Twitter-Spoutable-Post usually. Then I check it against nbc nightly news which is usually disappointing due to reporting a few days late of matters, leaving out HUGE parts of issues and both siding issues that don't merit 2 sides-to say the least.
I LOVE the subtitle on the English edition of the book. So direct. Can that maybe be put on the American subsequent editions? American men have got to be some of the most sexually entitled over-privileged men in the world. They need to see this statement, read the book, absorb it, say they're sorry and do better.
The lemon pudding looks soo good. I used to make curd.
#ejaculateresponsibly
We are practicing Anglicans (Canadian). I had three Godparents growing up; they were poorly chosen and had little role in my life. For our own children, we took seriously the idea that Godparents are to support the spiritual upbringing of the children. For that reason, we, um, chose ourselves. Our siblings and most of our friends are non-religious and we were not comfortable asking them to take vows they couldn’t keep.
Our kids have lots of adults in their lives who love them, but we saw Godparents as fulfilling a very specific role. I would have liked to have had people to ask, but we didn’t and that’s OK too.
I like Spoutible the best of the platforms that I have tried so far. I hope it ends up being the one that sticks.
No personal godparent experience, as we are Jewish. But I have friends who have and/or have been godparents, so I think it's more tradition than trend. Maybe just in certain religions/denominations?