I love anti perfection. When I was growing up I was afraid to dance, sing, do sports, because I was "bad" at them. Now I realize we're bad at everything when we start and maybe we get better, maybe we don't. But I don't want anyone to miss trying something new for fear of judgement!
Profound and important. You include some great examples. One of my favorite's is Professor Ann Velenchik's description of writing papers: in the end there are two kinds of papers in the world - those that are done and those that are not done.
This feels a little like restating of the phrase “do the best you can” to “do everything poorly” and I love it. To me, the sentiment feels more like, do what you can, don’t worry about being good at it or doing it perfect, just try. A little is better than nothing at all. Changes it into a bite size piece. I can do this if I don’t feel like I have to do it perfect. Or I can do it the easier way sometimes not always the “right” way. I don’t know, like giving yourself permission to just do what you can in the way you have the capacity for.
Wow YES, thank you for sharing this! This deeply resonated and I found it encouraging too. I think LEAN OUT is going to be my "word for the year" in 2024!
I learned not only to do things right, but do them right the FIRST TIME! Lots of unlearning in my adulthood. You can do it well or poorly, and either way change your mind and try again. xo
I'd say yes, doing certain things poorly is a terrific strategy. Using wrinkled napkins or serving a chocolate bar for dessert is better than stressing over ironing the napkins or making a mille-feuille or not having the party at all. BUT I can't reconcile this with important things in my life: for example, I can't turn in a poorly written book to my editor because they won't accept it and could even cancel my contract. I feel like the approach needs refining. Is there a group of actions this advice works for and some it doesn't? Or is it that you can do some things poorly once or twice—say, being with your child even if you're on your phone, writing one or two bad chapters—but not too many times?
This idea of doing poorly so that you do reminds me of a series of posts made by comedian Taylor Tomlinson over the summer. She was in a bit of a rough patch and as a way to help herself she decided to attempt to bake a “fancy” cake. She had never baked and her cake looked exactly like someone’s first attempt. It was bad. (This was her opinion.) But she gave the cake to a friend and the friend loved it. And her community rallied around her to support her. She made bad cake after bad cake and everyone applauded her effort. “You made a bad cake. But you also MADE A CAKE! Good for you. Did you enjoy that process? Yes? Then great. Make cake!” Don’t do perfect. Just do. (Nike was right.) A little something we can all do.
Thanks again for another brilliant and thought provoking newsletter.
Wow, this resonates with me. Not only do I want perfection for myself, I try to “fix” things to make everything perfect for everyone else. It’s exhausting.
The first part of your post reminds me of the book How to Keep House while Drowning by KC Davis. It’s specifically about cleaning & organizing but gets at a similar sentiment.
Love it when your newsletters bite into a contentious idea like this. Your writing feels like a chat among friends. But you're also nudging us to be curious, explore why we might feel what we feel, and disagree (respectfully). Thank you!
Both my daughter and I have spent our lives NOT starting things because it wasn’t going to be perfect. It broke my heart when she was in the first or second grade and I was shown a sheet she hadn’t completed. There were 3 or 4 simple sentences and the kids were to draw a picture for each. Hers had so much erasure that the paper had practically worn through. I’m going to send her this :)
I think I mostly agree with this but I tend to think of it more as doing the best I can in the moment. If the best at that time is poorly, it has equal value to when the best at that time is something done brilliantly. If one day doing the best I can to feed myself is a slice of cheese and fruit snacks, I have succeeded just as much as another day when I manage to cook myself a meal with all the food groups. It has taken so long to reach this point though. I think for me I need that language of acknowledgment that I am doing my best, whatever that may be at a given point.
Dec 11, 2023·edited Dec 11, 2023Liked by Gabrielle Blair
This is so good, thank you. Sara Petersen wrote about ‘practicing mediocrity’ in the context of parenting on her Substack ‘In Pursuit of Clean Countertops’. An important read around the holidays when we often expect so much of ourselves.
OMG I love this idea! (as a consistently burnt out perfectionist)
I love anti perfection. When I was growing up I was afraid to dance, sing, do sports, because I was "bad" at them. Now I realize we're bad at everything when we start and maybe we get better, maybe we don't. But I don't want anyone to miss trying something new for fear of judgement!
Profound and important. You include some great examples. One of my favorite's is Professor Ann Velenchik's description of writing papers: in the end there are two kinds of papers in the world - those that are done and those that are not done.
This feels a little like restating of the phrase “do the best you can” to “do everything poorly” and I love it. To me, the sentiment feels more like, do what you can, don’t worry about being good at it or doing it perfect, just try. A little is better than nothing at all. Changes it into a bite size piece. I can do this if I don’t feel like I have to do it perfect. Or I can do it the easier way sometimes not always the “right” way. I don’t know, like giving yourself permission to just do what you can in the way you have the capacity for.
Wow YES, thank you for sharing this! This deeply resonated and I found it encouraging too. I think LEAN OUT is going to be my "word for the year" in 2024!
I learned not only to do things right, but do them right the FIRST TIME! Lots of unlearning in my adulthood. You can do it well or poorly, and either way change your mind and try again. xo
I'd say yes, doing certain things poorly is a terrific strategy. Using wrinkled napkins or serving a chocolate bar for dessert is better than stressing over ironing the napkins or making a mille-feuille or not having the party at all. BUT I can't reconcile this with important things in my life: for example, I can't turn in a poorly written book to my editor because they won't accept it and could even cancel my contract. I feel like the approach needs refining. Is there a group of actions this advice works for and some it doesn't? Or is it that you can do some things poorly once or twice—say, being with your child even if you're on your phone, writing one or two bad chapters—but not too many times?
This idea of doing poorly so that you do reminds me of a series of posts made by comedian Taylor Tomlinson over the summer. She was in a bit of a rough patch and as a way to help herself she decided to attempt to bake a “fancy” cake. She had never baked and her cake looked exactly like someone’s first attempt. It was bad. (This was her opinion.) But she gave the cake to a friend and the friend loved it. And her community rallied around her to support her. She made bad cake after bad cake and everyone applauded her effort. “You made a bad cake. But you also MADE A CAKE! Good for you. Did you enjoy that process? Yes? Then great. Make cake!” Don’t do perfect. Just do. (Nike was right.) A little something we can all do.
Thanks again for another brilliant and thought provoking newsletter.
Wow, this resonates with me. Not only do I want perfection for myself, I try to “fix” things to make everything perfect for everyone else. It’s exhausting.
The first part of your post reminds me of the book How to Keep House while Drowning by KC Davis. It’s specifically about cleaning & organizing but gets at a similar sentiment.
This reminds me of a Jack Gilbert poem, “Failing and Flying”. It’s one of my favorites. One of the lines is “but anything
worth doing is worth doing badly”. Here is a link to read it, it’s gorgeous: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48132/failing-and-flying
Love it when your newsletters bite into a contentious idea like this. Your writing feels like a chat among friends. But you're also nudging us to be curious, explore why we might feel what we feel, and disagree (respectfully). Thank you!
At a previous job we used to pass around a post-it note stating “Better done than good” to whomever needed it the most
Both my daughter and I have spent our lives NOT starting things because it wasn’t going to be perfect. It broke my heart when she was in the first or second grade and I was shown a sheet she hadn’t completed. There were 3 or 4 simple sentences and the kids were to draw a picture for each. Hers had so much erasure that the paper had practically worn through. I’m going to send her this :)
I think I mostly agree with this but I tend to think of it more as doing the best I can in the moment. If the best at that time is poorly, it has equal value to when the best at that time is something done brilliantly. If one day doing the best I can to feed myself is a slice of cheese and fruit snacks, I have succeeded just as much as another day when I manage to cook myself a meal with all the food groups. It has taken so long to reach this point though. I think for me I need that language of acknowledgment that I am doing my best, whatever that may be at a given point.
This is so good, thank you. Sara Petersen wrote about ‘practicing mediocrity’ in the context of parenting on her Substack ‘In Pursuit of Clean Countertops’. An important read around the holidays when we often expect so much of ourselves.