I read that article about the benefits abusers get through abuse a week or so ago and I can't stop thinking about it. The idea that it's functional is something I kind of knew but didn't really have a full grasp on.
As someone who works in the DV/family court space, this list made everything make sense. It was extremely validating to know that my experience really had very little to do with me, specifically, and more about him and what he was gaining. It’s no wonder that fight so hard not to lose it.
This article reframed my entire POV around abusers. "There are just too many benefits gained from this behavior." is a haunting takeaway. Having been married to a controlling individual - NOT an abuser in this sense, but someone whose happiness depended on making others fit within the image of what should happen and how things should go - I've often speculated on the benefits of compulsion, since a controller can never be genuinely satisfied. (It's so much easier to just be chillax.) The baseness of the article's bullets points made things more clear.
Whoa! While reading about the perfect burger all the ads crashed my browser. Yikes! I know it helps off set the cost of keeping your blog up and running. I wish more people paid to subscribe like I do. Now I am hungry for a good burger! It is so hot here in New Hampshire. I don’t know if we’ll attempt the burgers or not. Cold salads have been our fare for the past week. Maybe next week will be burger week! Fingers crossed! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Just a reminder -- I know we all know this -- that the First Amendment is about *government* suppression of speech. The govt can’t stop us from tweeting/skeeting/posting/thinking, but companies like Meta, Twitter, Bluesky, etc., absolutely CAN forbid anyone who violates their terms of service. Private business can set the terms of their engagement w/the public. Remember “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service” signs?
I haven’t signed up to Threads yet...then again, I’m not a Twitter user. I never understood...I thought you were limited to 130 words (or characters) on Twitter...did that change? I have seen pictures and videos from there...I don’t get it. I do use (or really mostly look at) Instagram...maybe I’ll try Threads...
I couldn't agree more with your assessment of Twitter. I still miss it even though its been nearly three months since I nuked my account. I really enjoy Bluesky, but they're taking their sweet time rolling out the service to everyone, as well as improving features. Spoutible is pretty good, too. I started my Threads account, but honestly I'm not happy how they manage their data collection, plus the fact that you can't delete your account without also deleting your Instagram account.
That article on how DV benefits abusers was heavy (that list). And so disturbing shown alongside the leniency for abusers in this context; was it a sign of the times (80s) to counsel court mandated abusers and then send them home to ‘practice’? In the short list of cons against DV, there was ‘might get a court order’. They hadn’t already?
The author mentioned that eventually he thought court processes were more affective in protecting victims; I hope that’s the reality.
I’ve received a few “so... are we doing this threads thing?” messages from colleagues (academics) this week and I replied with “noooooo... we should set ourselves free instead of chasing the dopamine that comes from Twitter on another (maybe/slightly) less evil platform...”
I read that article about the benefits abusers get through abuse a week or so ago and I can't stop thinking about it. The idea that it's functional is something I kind of knew but didn't really have a full grasp on.
As someone who works in the DV/family court space, this list made everything make sense. It was extremely validating to know that my experience really had very little to do with me, specifically, and more about him and what he was gaining. It’s no wonder that fight so hard not to lose it.
I had the same reaction when I read it.
This article reframed my entire POV around abusers. "There are just too many benefits gained from this behavior." is a haunting takeaway. Having been married to a controlling individual - NOT an abuser in this sense, but someone whose happiness depended on making others fit within the image of what should happen and how things should go - I've often speculated on the benefits of compulsion, since a controller can never be genuinely satisfied. (It's so much easier to just be chillax.) The baseness of the article's bullets points made things more clear.
I just came here to say the same thing. The article will have me thinking for awhile.
Whoa! While reading about the perfect burger all the ads crashed my browser. Yikes! I know it helps off set the cost of keeping your blog up and running. I wish more people paid to subscribe like I do. Now I am hungry for a good burger! It is so hot here in New Hampshire. I don’t know if we’ll attempt the burgers or not. Cold salads have been our fare for the past week. Maybe next week will be burger week! Fingers crossed! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Oh no! That's the first time I've heard of that happening. I'll talk to my ad server company and see if they know what's up.
If it helps them, I am on an iPhone XR with excellent WiFi and excellent cell coverage. It happened while at home sitting next to the modem.
Just a reminder -- I know we all know this -- that the First Amendment is about *government* suppression of speech. The govt can’t stop us from tweeting/skeeting/posting/thinking, but companies like Meta, Twitter, Bluesky, etc., absolutely CAN forbid anyone who violates their terms of service. Private business can set the terms of their engagement w/the public. Remember “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service” signs?
I haven’t signed up to Threads yet...then again, I’m not a Twitter user. I never understood...I thought you were limited to 130 words (or characters) on Twitter...did that change? I have seen pictures and videos from there...I don’t get it. I do use (or really mostly look at) Instagram...maybe I’ll try Threads...
I couldn't agree more with your assessment of Twitter. I still miss it even though its been nearly three months since I nuked my account. I really enjoy Bluesky, but they're taking their sweet time rolling out the service to everyone, as well as improving features. Spoutible is pretty good, too. I started my Threads account, but honestly I'm not happy how they manage their data collection, plus the fact that you can't delete your account without also deleting your Instagram account.
That article on how DV benefits abusers was heavy (that list). And so disturbing shown alongside the leniency for abusers in this context; was it a sign of the times (80s) to counsel court mandated abusers and then send them home to ‘practice’? In the short list of cons against DV, there was ‘might get a court order’. They hadn’t already?
The author mentioned that eventually he thought court processes were more affective in protecting victims; I hope that’s the reality.
I’ve received a few “so... are we doing this threads thing?” messages from colleagues (academics) this week and I replied with “noooooo... we should set ourselves free instead of chasing the dopamine that comes from Twitter on another (maybe/slightly) less evil platform...”