Why Would My Daughter Move to Charlotte?
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Hello! I’m back in France and waving at you from the Tall House. I just got back yesterday afternoon — I was in the U.S. for two weeks. Mostly I was there to help my daughter Maude get settled in Charlotte, North Carolina. But I also spent a couple of days in New York on the way back to France. I received a ton of questions about what Maude is doing in Charlotte, and what I was doing to help her get settled, so I thought it would be fun to answer some FAQs.
FAQs About Maude in Charlotte
Why did she choose Charlotte?
Maude has lived in Paris, New York, and San Francisco (well, Berkeley and Oakland, but you know what I mean). As she pictured herself entering into post-college life, she wanted to live in a city, but ideally, not a city as intense as Paris, New York, or San Francisco.
She started doing research on possible locations, and narrowed it down to Charlotte pretty quickly. It’s growing really fast, it has all the art and culture and activities that make a city great, and has tons of young people and job opportunities. But it doesn’t feel like the “usual” or “predictable” choice, and Maude seems to like taking a less-traveled path.
My dear friend Laurie Smithwick was born and raised in Charlotte, and she still lives there. She was a huge help to us as we were figuring things out. She said Charlotte is a big city — bigger than Seattle and Denver and Nashville — but it sits between Atlanta and D.C., and is often forgotten or ignored. I totally felt that while I was there. It was like a special secret city — super cool, great food, strong neighborhoods and communities, tons of interesting stuff happening, museums, a vibrant art scene, lots of sports — but it seems like no one talks about it.
Another awesome thing: It’s on the East Coast, so it’s an easy flight to France. Charlotte is a hub for American Airlines, so once the pandemic is over, and travel begins again in earnest, there should be non-stop options from Charlotte to Paris. Which is ideal!
Why didn’t she stay in France?
She definitely thought about it. But a big issue is getting a visa, and specifically a work visa. With an automatic visitor visa, Americans can stay in France no longer than 3 months, and once they leave, they are supposed to be out of the country for at least 90 days before they return.
Maude came to France in June, after she graduated from Berkeley. She hadn’t seen her siblings since the pandemic began and it was amazing to have her home. But in September, her 3 months were almost up, and she knew she needed to leave France, at least temporarily.
In order to apply for a long-stay visa (like Ben Blair and I have) she has to apply from the U.S., so even if she wanted to come back, she would need to go to the U.S. for some amount of time. She considered that option. We don’t have a home base in the U.S. currently, but Maude has a huge extended family — grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins — and she knew she could stay with them while applying for a visa. But even if she got a long-stay visa, she would need another type of visa in order to work (which she may or may not be able to get), and she really wants (and needs!) to work.
The more she thought it through, the more it was clear to her that she should move to the U.S. and look for work there.
What will she do in Charlotte?
She wants to get a full-time job, and set up her life-as-an-adult there. She pictures herself there for many years. She wants a long-term apartment, a good job with benefits, and to put some roots down in the community.
I thought she was in school; did she transfer?
She actually graduated from college in the spring. I know! It went so fast!
Does that mean she’s not going to become a teacher?
As some of you remember (based on your questions), Maude was accepted into a graduate program in Education. The program would give her a Master’s Degree and a Teaching Certificate at the same time.
Maude deferred the program. She realized she is worn out of school at the moment. (I think this is going to be true for a lot of kids who finished college during the pandemic. It’s been rough.) Maude would make an excellent teacher, and that career path is still appealing to her, so she may revisit it in the future. She mentioned she was glad to remember that North Carolina has lots of excellent universities if she decides to go to graduate school.
What is apartment hunting like in Charlotte?
I found it super interesting! There are tons of apartment complexes — most of them brand new, and even more being built all the time. Housing is everywhere. They are fairly pricey if you are living alone, but if you can manage housemates, the prices are much more doable — around $650-$750 for your own room and bathroom.
The new complexes are actively recruiting tenants — at one point I shared my email address and cell phone with an apartment-listing site, and I got dozens of emails and texts daily from dozens of of different apartment buildings. They offered tours, discounts, and waived fees.
The new complexes all have tons of amenities. Gorgeous pools and courtyards, big game rooms and event spaces, workout rooms with Peloton bikes. The complexes hold big events and parties for the tenants, and every apartment seems to have in-room washer and dryer. I was fascinated.
All that said, after seeing a bunch of these new complexes, Maude ended up going with a much older building with no amenities besides washer and dryer. She told me she didn’t think she would actually use the pool or the workout room, and preferred an old building in the historic part of town.
Will she have a roommate?
It will depend on her job. The apartment she found has two bedrooms (each with it’s own bathroom), so a roommate would definitely work. But she really likes the idea of having her own apartment. It will come down to her budget and her paycheck. She may end up needing a roommate so that she can cut her rent in half.
Speaking of living alone. I brought the topic up in my Instagram stories and received so many interesting messages in response! I ended up sharing some of them in Stories if you’d like to see — the highlight is called Living Alone. (I’ve never had the opportunity to live alone. How about you?)
Do you need a car in Charlotte?
We were hoping she wouldn’t need one. Maude doesn’t love owning a car, and she prioritized looking for an apartment where she can walk to the market, to the park, to the library, etc.. In theory (and depending on her job), she could build a life in Charlotte where a car wasn’t necessary.
But in reality, Charlotte is a huge city and very spread out. And it doesn’t have robust public transit. So after a few days there, it seemed clear that a car was a necessity.
I dread buying cars. It’s one of my least favorite tasks and I find the whole thing quite painful and time consuming. We ended up using a company called Carvana where you do most of the process online, and there’s no car lot. We decided on a 2012 Honda Fit with 85k miles. (You can see it in our Charlotte highlight.) It has a strong reputation for reliability, which I think is especially important when you don’t have lots of family around.
Using Carvana was an improvement over our other options, I suppose, but even so, figuring out the car was my least favorite part of the trip.
Has she found a job yet?
She received a decent job offer last Wednesday, which was very encouraging, but it wasn’t quite the right fit and she declined. So she’s still looking. I believe she has an interview today.
What kind of jobs does she want to do?
Currently she is most drawn to receptionist and executive assistant type jobs. The idea of wearing something professional to work every day, organizing schedules and calendars, keeping the conference room stocked, greeting clients, etc., is really appealing to her. She knows she would be good at it, and feels like she could make herself indispensable.
She also has extensive experience with social media (she has grown up with a blogging mom!), and is very good at it, and so she is applying for social media jobs as well.
Are you okay with her choice to go to Charlotte?
Definitely! Especially after spending time there with her over the last couple of weeks. It’s such a great town. I’m so impressed with the city, and feel like the quality of life is very high there. I think she could make a wonderful life in Charlotte.
That said, I still want her to apply for a long-stay visa, so that she can visit France whenever she likes.
I should also note, Ben Blair thinks we could end up settling in North Carolina if we ever leave France. So having Maude living there would make that even more appealing.
Do you always help your kids get settled when they move?
It depends on the circumstance. When Maude moved to New York I didn’t fly out to help. She didn’t need assistance on that move. But Charlotte was something new and different. She had never been there, and I had only been there once, for a couple of days ten years ago. So the idea of sending her off with a “good luck!” seemed wrong.
I think my friend Laurie would have ended up doing all the things I did to help her get settled, and though Laurie was willing, it wasn’t fair to ask her to do so much work. I mean, even with me there, we still ended up asking Laurie for all kind of advice and guidance.
Getting settled in a new place can be very difficult, time consuming, and expensive. Some of the difficulty (or lack there-of) depends on how well you know the place, and what sort of resources you have there. Getting settled involves things like: Figuring out where to live and which neighborhoods make sense. Not knowing where anything is, and constantly having to look at GPS and maps to figure out basic directions. Fees for applying to apartments. First months rent and deposit. A down payment on a car. Getting insurance (renters insurance and car insurance). Setting up utilities and wifi. Buying cleaning supplies. Cleaning the apartment (why are the kitchen cupboards always so gross?). Going to thrift stores to find inexpensive household goods. Tracking down used furniture on Facebook Marketplace. Renting a truck to pick up furniture, and getting furniture moved in. Finding a grocery store. Visiting church. Interviewing roommates. Trying to be social and make friends. And all of that while job hunting. (Oh! And making sure you have interview-appropriate clothing!)
Some moves are just a ton of work. I was in Charlotte for 9 days and Maude and I were going, going, going the entire time, with essentially no breaks, and we barely accomplished what we set out to accomplish. (If you want a peek at what we did, there’s a highlight on Instagram called Charlotte, NC.)
Certainly, Maude could have figured it all out on her own, but it would have been incredibly challenging. And I was available, so why not help?
Why did you go to New York?
When I first flew out I bought a one-way ticket because I wasn’t sure how long I would need to be in Charlotte. When I was ready to buy a return ticket, they were SO expensive — about $1500 one way. Ouch. But I found a flight from New York to Paris for $324. It was on a new discount airline called French Bee. So I got a cheap flight from Charlotte to NYC, got to see my sister Jordan, and my brother-in-law Paul, and my nephews and niece, and then flew back to Paris.
What did you do in New York?
The weather was perfect. Seriously perfect. So I ended up walking, and walking, and walking and just enjoying the city. I also went to Target and grocery stores, and filled a duffle bag with American junk food to bring back to France — including a box of Crispix, some pumpkin spice tea from Trader Joe’s, and two boxes of Hot Tamales.
Design Mom Office Hours — Updates & Changes
I have LOVED holding office hours meetings over the last couple of weeks. (Not sure what Office Hours are? It’s a new thing I’m trying — one-on-one meetings with newsletter subscribers and Instagram followers. I wrote about Office Hours in my last newsletter.)
As of this writing I’ve held 21 meetings and each one felt totally and completely unique. Some people had specific design challenges they wanted to get help with. Others had parenting questions. Still others wanted to talk politics and vaccines. When you sign up for a meeting there’s a spot to mention what you’d like to talk about, and some people wrote: “just for fun,” or “just to chat.” And that’s what we did. I also got to talk with a couple who is hoping to get visas to move to France, and I talked with a woman who is launching some classes and wanted to talk through options with me. So many interesting people!
After two weeks of holding Office Hours, I’ve already learned a few things and made some changes:
1) The most frequent question I’ve received so far is: How do I gift a meeting to my friend. So I created Gift Meetings (you can find them on my calendly page) and included simple instructions. If you don’t know when your friend has time for a meeting, no worries. Just pick any date several weeks in the future, and they’ll get a confirmation email that has a “reschedule” button where they can choose a more convenient date and time.
2) I learned that I need to adjust my pricing. A lot of you told me I would need to do that, and you were correct. I have a limited amount of time I can give to these meetings, and the current rate isn’t workable. But it’s really important to me to keep these meetings accessible to everyone, so this is what I’ve decided to try: I’m opening an equal amount of 30-minute meetings each month at 3 different price ranges — $50, $75, and $100. My hope is that if you can afford to, you’ll choose a $75 or $100 meeting, and leave the $50 spots for others. So it’s sort-of pay-what-you-can. Along those same lines, if you and I have already had a $50 meeting and you want to schedule another one, please choose a $75 or $100 spot for additional meetings.
Will this new system work? Who knows! I’ll give it a try and adjust things again if needed.
3) Remember, Scholarship Meetings are available! For every 10 meetings booked, I offer a free Scholarship Meeting. Just email designmom@designmom.com and put “Scholarship Meeting” in the subject, and you’ll get the next scholarship meeting that becomes available. (And hey, if you need a scholarship, do not hesitate to email — everyone needs help sometimes. That’s just how life works.)
After one meeting, I received the best compliment. A woman named Jen H. wrote: You are to design what Ted Lasso is to comedy. You both remind us that progress is born of small steps. And you both model how to respond to inevitable obstacles (no need to freak out and feel like the sky is falling, just look for the next steps with curiosity).
Willa O. sent me this note after our meeting: It was so wonderful to meet you and to pick your brain. You were able to so quickly jump in and share so many inspirations big and small — my mind has been buzzing with ideas and I appreciated you building a launchpad for me to jump from. Thank you again for the “office hours” opportunity, as well as your encouragement!
Another woman who signed up “just to chat,” was worried that we wouldn’t have much to talk about and told me she almost canceled her meeting. But she ended up not canceling, and was happy to realize that I have a million questions I like to ask people and that there wasn’t even a small lull in our conversation. So if you want to chat and you’re not sure what you want to chat about, go ahead and sign up. I’m good at talking to people and it will be fun, I promise.
Anyway, if you’re interested in booking an Office Hours meeting, please do so! I would love to talk with you.
Here Are A Few Things I’ve Wanted to Share With You
I’ve had an unusual amount (at least for me) of offline time over the last two weeks, but I still have some really good links to share:
-Please go read this thread about a very misunderstood 7 year old.
-An article in USA Today about men who use "strategic incompetence" to avoid an equitable division of labor.
-131 Federal Judges Broke the Law by Hearing Cases Where They Had a Financial Interest. The Wall Street Journal reports the judges failed to recuse themselves from 685 lawsuits from 2010 to 2018 involving firms in which they or their family held shares.
-Lots of people sent me this article in the Washington Post called The Rise of the Liberal Latter-day Saints. Have you read it? What did you think?
-Make Halloween kitchen towels with school glue and dye. I love this technique! Once you’ve tried it, you’ll want to use the same technique for Christmas napkins, a Thanksgiving table runner, custom t-shirts, etc.
-Maude carried a Goodnight Moon totebag while we were in Charlotte, and she got so many compliments and questions about where to find it. Here’s a link.
Feel free to share your thoughts in response to anything above. I hope you have a lovely start to the new week.
kisses,
Gabrielle
Charlotte is a great city! I am happy for Maude. I like the Washington Post article. Over the years my politics to have evolved. While I would say I am Republican by nature, the party has been hijacked by lunatics. My thoughts and feeling has also changed in regards to the LGBTQ community. My husband and I lived for many years in downtown Seattle and we had an actively gay man who played the organ for our congregation. Our ward loved him and were thankful that he continued to come to church each Sunday. I have decided to let Jesus make the judgement calls and I will love all those that I meet. While I can't put my money on it that the church will change its stance on the issue, I can see hearts are softening and believe that it is possible. When one puts the issue into historical perspective it wasn't too long ago that the majority of the population saw this as an evil/perverse thing. Remember when Oprah did her town meeting on AIDS. I would say a good many of my ward members in Atlanta feel similar to the way I do and that is it is our job to love everyone. I would say a good percentage are democrats. I am holding on!
I meant to respond sooner so not sure how Maude's work search is going but I do know my office is looking for a receptionist if she's interested and still looking: https://ls3p.hua.hrsmart.com/hr/ats/Posting/view/145
The office is uptown (downtown for those not in Charlotte ;-) ) I've been living in Charlotte since 2007 and love it. Thanks for highlighting what an awesome city it is for those who didn't know!