The Hypocrisy of MAHA

These women claim to be passionate about health. It's nonsense.

Last week, this article, titled All Men Want To Be Heroes, showed up in my social media feeds dozens of times. People were tagging me because it reminded them of one of my old Twitter threads (originally posted in February 2020), about what it really means to protect your family.

So I updated that thread and published it on Bluesky (it’s my pinned post). And I’m going to publish it here as well.

And then, I’m going to share an adaptation of that thread, that I recently wrote, about the MAHA movement. I don’t think it works quite as well as the first thread, but it was a good exercise for me, and a way to work out my frustration about MAHA hypocrisy.

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God & Guns & What It Means To Protect Your Family

When I hear men worshipping guns and talking about how there’s nothing that will stop them from defending their family, my mind goes to Naaman in the Bible. Do you remember Naaman? He was a great military leader, and he also had leprosy.

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The prophet told him to bathe in the Jordan River 7 times to be cured. He refused. In fact he was pissed off the cure was so simple. So his servants said: If he’d asked you to do some great thing, you would have done it, but you’re not willing to go bathe in the water?

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That’s men bragging about how they’re ready and willing to protect their family.

A few conversations with God to illustrate:

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Man: Hey God, I just want you to know I am committed to protecting my family at all costs.

God: Gosh, that’s great to hear.

One of the main things I need you to do to protect your family is laundry. Tons of laundry. You know kids— they’re so susceptible to infections and viruses.

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Pinworms, athlete’s foot, lice, strep throat, colds, the flu, SARS-CoV-2, norovirus, and RSV. And I'm sure you know that pneumonia and diarrhea are serious killers of children under five. The list is endless. So you’re going to need to do laundry pretty much daily.

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Launder their socks and underwear, launder their sheets. Put their sneakers through the wash. I can’t emphasize this enough: protecting your family involves a lot of laundry.

Man: Oh. Um.

I was thinking more along the lines of a masked intruder with a gun at 2:00am raping my family.

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God: First of all, stop fantasizing about your family being raped.

Second, do you know the stats on break-ins? The vast majority happen when no one is home, and only a small percentage are armed. And even if you do end up being the rare house with an armed break-in...

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... while you’re home, you want to shoot someone for stealing your TV? Isn't that a serious overreaction?

Just a reminder: You’re not in the mob. I can assure you (and remember, I’m God), there’s a slim-to-none chance you’ll need to defend your family at gun point.

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If you really want to protect your family, laundry is where I need you to focus.

Man: But. But…

I have these guns I bought. And ammunition. And I’m telling you, if anyone threatens my family, I’ll be ready.

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God: Is there anything you’re willing to do to protect your family that’s not the plot of an action/thriller?

Man:

God:

Man:

God: Sigh.

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Conversation #2: